And now, presenting the IMLD Hall of Infamy, Class of 2012! In no particular order:
- Scott Norwood - Kicker - Buffalo Bills. Famous for: Wide Right. It's perhaps the most famous missed field goal in history, and Norwood stands as the IMLD mascot because in the first season-long picks contest between Jason and me, a Bills Super Bowl title would have given Jason the win, but with the miss and the subsequent New York Giants win, I was able to secure a tie. Vive la Norwood! To this day, some football fans consider a big mistake on or off the field as pulling a Norwood. Poor guy.
- Lyle Alzado - Defensive Lineman - Los Angeles Raiders, mostly. Famous for: Introducing the concept of steroids to the general public. Alzado gained notoriety in the late '70s and early '80s by playing football like a maniac with the matching curly frazzled hair and overgrown beard. Every time he appeared on the television, he looked like a psychotic madman, and that was whether he was playing football or acting or just giving an interview. He became one of, if not the first, athletes to admit using steroids, and his subsequent quick deterioration and early death at age 43 painted an indelible picture in everyone's minds. I grew up thinking that if you took steroids, you risked horrible health, all thanks to Alzado. Apparently, other future NFL players only saw, if you took steroids, you can go from unscouted lunkhead to All-Pro celebrity. And we see the results of steroids every Sunday, and we can't get enough of it.
- William "The Refrigerator" Perry - Defensive Lineman - Chicago Bears. Famous for: Being young, fat, and country on the greatest defense in history. Let's face it, Fridge wasn't a great football player by any stretch. He wasn't even all that good. But he was really big for his time, and he liked to smile and play up his Southern twang when a camera was stuck in his mug. He was coached by a megalomaniac, Mike Ditka, and Ditka loved any attention his team received because it meant more attention for himself. So Ditka started putting Perry in the backfield in goal-line situations as a blocker, then as a RB in blowout situations, then in Super Bowl XX during the Bears' 46-10 raping of the New England Patriots. Yes, the Bears had a Hall of Fame RB at the time in Walter Payton, but Ditka didn't think of letting Payton score a TD. No, not when you have the Fridge! Perry was as famous as any of those '85 Bears, but he didn't accomplish much on the field. He certainly racked up the endorsements and celebrity appearances, though, and for that, he deserves recognition for doing more with less better than just about anyone.
- Ben Dreith - Referee - Catchphrase Inventor. Famous for: "Giving him the business down there." I can't believe this happened all the way back in 1986, but I'm proud to induct the ref who gave us the technical explanation for a personal foul of "He was giving him the business down there!" It was the Jets' Marty Lyons pummeling the Bills' Jim Kelly after a play, although Dreith identified Mark Gastineau as the offender. But everyone who was a football fan remembers this official's call as the highlight of the night and a source of humor for years ever since. It's so famous that 21 whole years later, a college football ref named Ron Cherry also identified a personal foul as "giving him the business," sending a shout-out to a trail blazer who probably had no idea of the impact he would have. A side note: Lyons took down Kelly as he was throwing, then dribbled his head off the turf with several closed fists...um, isn't that, like, an immediate ejection in today's NFL???
- Brett Favre's Unholy Trinity - Cell Phone, Wristwatch, Crocs - Markers of One Man's Lust. Famous for: Showing up on infamous pics sent to a potential extramarital lay. Favre himself cannot be inducted into this Hall of Fame since he will one day be gleefully inducted into Canton. But this trio of items let us into the world of The Gunslinger when the cameras are off. A married Favre, while his wife was hospitalized and fighting cancer, was discovered to have made the lewdest of advances on New York Jets sideline trixie Jenn Sterger when he played with the Jets: He texted her his intentions to get with her, then he sexted her pictures of his Little Wrangler. Favre was so crazy with passion, he didn't bother to take any measures to hide his identity should these pics see the light of day, which they did a couple of years ago thanks to the website Deadspin. Those identifying items were: His cell phone, whose Mississippi number was displayed unblocked; his wristwatch, which appeared in the sexts, and was identifiable because it was the same watch he specifically was wearing during his first retirement presser; and his infamous Crocs, which are also visible in his sexting pics. I welcome these items into the Hall of Infamy because they're proof that no matter how much a man can try to play the hero, his real personality will shine through. I welcome them with a towel and rubber gloves, however, because I ain't trying to touch that shit.
