So here they are, in all their glory (?!?!?!)
MVP - Patrick Mahomes, QB Chiefs. On the podcast, we highlighted the transformative season Mahomes had, joining Peyton Manning and Tom Brady in the 50 TD club, and not a single mention that Mahomes is black. Change may be slow, but it is happening. Gander at these stats and marvel : Andre gave him "The Shit" award too
LVP - Kirk Cousins, QB Vikings. No sense looking at the stats, because they're very GOOD! But Cousins inability to win big games, with a winless record against winning opponents, sent the 13-3 Vikings from title contenders to home for the playoffs. That's how you blow $84 million!
Quote of the Year - John Gruden, Coach Raiders. "It's hard to find a great one, it's hard to find a good one." This was said in reference to finding great pass rushers. Holy shit dumbass, you traded away one of the best in the league a few weeks before, and THEN lamented how hard it is to find one. What comes first? Gruden actually finds a great pass rusher, or he's back in the TV booth?
Worst Play - This nonsense :
Best Rookie - Saquon Barkley, RB Giants - Nooooope, not Baker. Barkleys 2000 all purpose yards were very Marshall Faulk-like, and made Eli Manning almost look like an NFL QB. Thats Hurculean!
Worst Rookie - Josh Rosen, QB Cardinals - When you have a higher rush per attempt versus pass (6.0 versus 5.8), things aren't going to go well. The Cards offense was DFL in every major category. All is not bad news? Previous winners of this award, Jared Goff and Melvin Gordon, those guys turned out OK.
Rookie Steal of the Draft - Tre Flowers, DB Seahawks, 5th Round, Pick 146. Left for dead, the Legion of Boom had turned in to the Legion of Room. In a stunning turnaround, not only did Seattle markedly improve their defense, they thrived! Not to the level of their Super Bowl days, but to the level that things are looking good in the Northwest.
Story of the Year - The Season-Long Nuclear Meltdown of the Pittsburgh Steelers. It's clear that Mike Tomlin had lost control of this squad and season, with holdouts, underachievement, and diva-WR drama all coming to a head with a seat on the couch for the playoffs. It was a slow motion train wreck, and eminently watchable.
The Jimmy Garoppolo Team (Previously the Houston Texans Preseason Chic Pick to Make the Playoffs Award, or The White Mouse Award) - Whatever it's called, its the Cleveland Browns. All the talking heads will want to sound smart annointing the Browns as playoff contenders for 2019.
It Happened this Season But It Feels Like So Long Ago - The Jaguars were 3-1 and looking like title contenders, and making me and Dre look really smart. Fuck the Jags.
Kim Etheredge Award for Outstanding Public Relations- This bullshit: https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/chiefs/2018/12/14/ex-chiefs-star-kareem-hunt-family-criminal-history/2289525002/
Game of the Year - Packers 24, Bears 23, Week 1. Nope, not the 54-51 offensive bukkake display between the Rams and Chiefs. I'm picking a game that featured literally everthing: amazing defense, an inqured HOF QB gutting it out Willis Reed-style, a late second half comeback, a thrilling catch and run to win it. Literally all the scoring and drama you need in a game that featured less points total than either the Rams or Chiefs scored on that Monday Night.
Worst Game of the Year - Titans 20, Texans 17, Week 2. Blaine Gabbert beat DeShaun Watson. A safety threw a 66 yard touchdown pass. Derek Henry completed a pass. Sound interesting? It wasn't.
And the Grammy For Outstanding Acting Goes To..... Tom Brady. You are not underdogs. You are not disrespected. You are a terrible actor. Just stop.
See you next year, folks.
