- Tim Tebow - Quarterback, nominally - Denver Broncos, mostly. Famous for: Trying and failing to become a consistent pro football player and being hailed as if he was great. Among the truthful things Tim Tebow can be called would be: "Home-schooled weirdo", "Jesus freak", "awful NFL quarterback", and "socially inept". For reasons I never figured out, his legions of followers--I mean, fans--thought that "hero who never got a fair chance" should be on that list. Tebow is the result of megalomaniac and Belichick disciple Josh McDaniels deciding to trade the Denver Broncos' 2nd, 3rd and 4th-round picks to Baltimore in order to move into the bottom of the 1st round to draft the athletic Tebow, who was coming off a Heisman Trophy and record-breaking numbers in a four-year stint at the University of Florida. But real football fans knew that college numbers do not indicate NFL readiness, so the pick was panned by Jay and me and many others as a severe reach. As the buildup for Tebow's 1st game action swelled, the hype became unbearable, especially when some voices decided to mix his Christianity in with it, which should have nothing to do with evaluating his playing ability. Tebow got some garbage time at the end of his rookie season, 2010, and was middling. It was 2011 when things got crazy, after Broncos starter Kyle Orton was benched by new coach John Fox and Tebow got a chance to start. The numbers Tebow produced betrayed the winning streak Denver had despite his play. The hype machine went into 5th gear as the Tebow lovers ignored the three quarters of scoreless ball his team played before rallying to beat Miami in his 1st start of that season, the 124 passing yards in a win at Oakland, the 2-of-8 passing line in a win at Kansas City, the 104 passing yards in another rally over the New York Jets on Thursday Night Football, the 143 passing yards in another rally at San Diego, the 10 completions in another rally at Minnesota, the 10-0 deficit with about two minutes left before another rally over Chicago...it just didn't matter how awful Tebow was objectively, his supporters only saw the victories and the Tebowing. Oh yes, Tebowing, which was his version of an end-zone dance where he dropped to a knee and placed a fist to his forehead in a stance of prayer and thanks to his God, I guess. This made him more popular but only further bothered those who wanted to focus on Tebow's play because it made people who knew nothing about football want to cheer for him based on just his public show of faith. Tebowing was so embraced by the NFL that it has since been banned as a celebration. The apex of Tebowmania came in the 8-8 AFC West champion Broncos' Wild Card playoff game versus a 12-4 Pittsburgh Steelers squad. It was another up-and-down game for Tebow, but in overtime he lobbed a throw down the middle for DeMaryius Thomas, who caught it and outran the defense for an 80-yard touchdown to miraculously win the game. Some members of the media observed that the bomb gave Tebow 316 passing yards for the day, evoking the Bible passage John 3:16 which Tebow was known to write on his eye black in college. The nationwide notion that Tebow was a chosen one getting divine help was nauseating, but thankfully it only lasted one week because the New England Patriots blasted the Broncos into tiny bits 45-10 in the next game. Still, with the unexpected success of the regular season and the playoff win, many thought that Tebow, despite the numbers, would start for Denver from that point forward. A real QB named Peyton Manning became available, however, and the Broncos signed him while dumping Tebow on to the New York Jets, where he never went on a run the likes of which he went on in the Rocky Mountains, and 2012 would be his last year in the league. And for those still pining for Tebow's return to the NFL someday, here are the raw numbers for his career: 47.9% completions, 17/9 TD/INT, 75.3 passer rating, 14 fumbles, 6 lost. Rarely has adulation been showered upon such an undeserving subject.
- Steve McMichael - Defensive Tackle - Chicago Bears, legendarily. Famous for: Always living larger than life, even as a star on a larger-than-life team. I don't aim to induct a member of the 1985 Chicago Bears every time I have a chance, but this one has ties to this year's NFL Hall inductees. "Mongo" had already made a name for himself as a Texas wild child when he decided, long after his football career was over, to step in the rasslin' ring with Class of 2016 Hall-of-Famer Kevin Greene in April 1996. It was another adventure for a guy whose life was one nonstop adventure. Encounter a former Bear or a Chicago media member and ask about McMichael, and be regaled with tales that cannot be repeated in polite company, none of which I can verify but all of which are believable. What's documented and true is that McMichael was a 3rd-round draft pick of the Patriots in 1980 but was kicked off the team for too much partying before ever playing a down. Chicago scooped him up, and what followed was 12 years of tough play on the defensive line, the Super Bowl XX title, two Pro Bowls, and a rep for saying whatever the fuck he wanted, particularly on the Sunday night newscast he did with Mark Giangreco for years. His beauty queen wife Debra was even a loquacious celebrity, eventually becoming a WWF personality, divorcing McMichael, and marrying "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Not bizarre enough? How about in 2001, Mongo sang "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" at a Cubs game, but not before pointing at umpire Angel Hernandez and threatening to "have some speaks" with him because of his dubious calls? How about choosing a stripper as his 2nd wife, living the football player stereotype with a wink and a smile? For all of the '85 Bears and their stories of mischief, perhaps no one can match Steve McMichael for most interesting life, making him most deserving of the Hall of Infamy. And I, as the resident wrestling fanatic, will always have love and respect for the only member of the Super Bowl Shufflin' Bears to go on and become WCW United States heavyweight champion.
- Lawrence Phillips - Running Back - St. Louis Rams, mostly. Famous for: Being a violent, unrepentant asshole for his entire miserable life. So I was telling one of my fellow scorers for Memphis Redbirds baseball games, Captain Canada himself Corey Chandler, about our Hall of Fame/Hall of Infamy and how it spotlights football figures who would never be spotlighted by the NFL, the guys and gals who made a name for themselves in ways that wouldn't exactly make the league swell with pride. And Corey shows that he's on the same brainwaves as us by instantly blurting out, "Oh, like Lawrence Phillips?" And Goddamn if that isn't the perfect guy to induct, so I'm inducting him. You almost forget about his reign of terror because he's not still around to be documented forever and ever like O.J. Simpson, but Lawrence Phillips was the quintessential remorseless athlete, acting like he could drag girlfriends down stairs or run over people to whom he just lost a pickup football game just because he felt like it. We talk every draft about the "weed guy," A.K.A. the guy who falls down draft boards because he failed a marijuana test, even though there's no empirical evidence that smoking marijuana is a character flaw. Phillips gave everyone pause when he was arrested during his junior year at Nebraska for assaulting his ex-girlfriend. This came after Phillips gained a reputation in high school as a violent person with a hair trigger. But Cornhuskers coach Tom Osborne decided that Phillips should stay on the team because he kicked ass and gave Nebraska a chance at a national title--oh wait, I read that wrong, it says Osborne kept Phillips on the team because he needed the structure of football at his time of turmoil to keep him focused and grounded. And after Phillips ran for 165 yards in the national title game, the St. Louis Rams showed how concerned they were for Phillips' well-being and need for structure by drafting him sixth overall in 1996. Now this guy had red flags all over the place, but he couldn't drop farther than sixth. Compare that to Laremy Tunsil dropping to 13th in the most recent draft after video surfaced of him smoking pot (presumably) out of a gas mask. Hmmm, smoking out of a mask or dragging a girl down a flight of stairs? Which deserves more scrutiny, I wonder? Anyhow, Phillips kept on getting arrested after turning pro, resulting in the Rams cutting him in the middle of his second season, and he got a couple more shots in the league but assaults in nightclubs and attitude issues ended those chances. In 2008, he was sentenced to 10 years for trying to drive his car into three teenagers after a pickup football game, and the following year he had 25 years added on because of a conviction for his favorite activity, choking out a woman. Then last year he was accused of choking to death former WR R. Jay Soward's cousin Damien, who was his cellmate. Apparently the thought of getting the chair for that act was too much, and Phillips hanged himself this past January 12. I don't think someone this obviously dangerous for society will ever get drafted that high again, not because the league is more concerned about having really bad men, but just because of the optics. If you let a guy like this slip into, say, the 6th round or so (I'm looking at your ass, Greg Hardy), you can say you're giving him a chance to rebuild himself and make a positive contribution. But when you take him 6th overall, you're shouting to his ex-girlfriend and the whole world that you don't give two fucks what he does off the field as long as he performs on it. You think Ray Rice would still be out of football if he were 20, which was Lawrence Phillips's age when he was taken by the Rams? Exactly.
- The 2005 Backup Colts - Fantasy Gold. Famous for: Being available to be used by me for the fantasy football title game, and being left to waste. When Jason makes fun of me for losing at fantasy football to every woman in his life at some point, he's not joking. But one loss could have been easily avoided by me if not for some planning ahead, but I didn't do what I had to do, and his mother reaped the benefits. Yahoo used to let their league's championship game run through Week 17, and this is exactly why you can't find a league that lets you do that anymore. The Indianapolis Colts started the season 13-0 behind their all-world QB Peyton Manning and their six other Pro Bowlers, but when they lost their perfect record to the Chargers in Week 15, coach Tony Dungy and his staff elected to bench their starters after the first drive in Week 16 since they had the #1 seed in the AFC wrapped up. That didn't affect me or Jason's mother, since we advanced to the fantasy championship game, but I had decisions to make: Did I want to use my team in the title game or go pick up the backup Colts in case they use the same strategy for their meaningless game vs. Arizona in Week 17? I hesitated all week because I didn't want to outthink myself and get a bunch of busters to replace my guys, and also because I thought the real Colts might play more since that would make three weeks of inertia for them counting the Wild Card bye week. Would they risk that? I didn't know. So I picked up those backups just in case, but I didn't insert them in my starting lineup. I knew if I heard anything throughout the week, I could use them. So I owned QB Jim Sorgi to replace Peyton Manning, I owned RB Dominic Rhodes for Edgerrin James, I owned WR Troy Walters for Marvin Harrison, and I even owned TE Ben Utecht for Dallas Clark. I had them! I had them ready to insert at any point before noon that Sunday. Incredibly, I didn't use any of them. Why? Because the Saturday night before was New Year's Eve, and I had just finished a really shitty year in my personal life, so as a celebration of a "new me," for the first and last time in my life, I spent New Year's Eve at a bar counting down and dancing. I got home sometime after 5 AM. I assumed I would wake up in time to hear any news on the backup Colts and make moves accordingly. Instead, I woke up at 11:55. My computer at that time was slow and it wasn't powered on. So by the time it warmed up and I got my browser opened to put them in the starting lineup, noon literally struck a moment before I could click the submit button. And I helplessly watched as Sorgi threw for 2 TDs and one was to Walters, and the other was to Utecht, and Rhodes had a decent game running, and I got NONE of these stats for my team. Jason's mom beat my team to win the title. If I had started those backup Colts, I would have won easily. I will never live it down, not just because Jason's mom reminds me and won't let me live it down, but because it was so avoidable. All week I could have started those guys, but I tried to be cute and wait for information, and I waited a hair too long. I will not forgive Murphy's, the south suburban Chicago bar I was in the night before, I will not forgive the fat girl who wanted to dance with me all night since I was the only brotha in the place, I will not forgive those backup Colts who could have at least sucked and made me feel a little better, and I will never forgive myself, because I should have known that nothing good ever happens when I try to enjoy my life. Ugh.
- Jim Mora Honorary Wing Induction: "They Are Who We Thought They Were!" by Dennis Green. Jason opened this new wing last year, whereby we can induct famous quotes from the NFL throughout the years that left an impact. And the late Dennis Green left an indelible impact on football (really on all sports) when he went on an epic postgame rant as coach of the Arizona Cardinals in 2006. The Bears were in town for a Week 6 Monday night battle, bringing a 5-0 record despite having Rex Grossman as their QB, and Green's Cards (with their own dubious QB Matt Leinart) ran out to a 20-0 halftime lead, but despite Grossman's 4 INTs and no TDs, Chicago's defense and special teams made some magic and came back to win 24-23. Green was asked about preparing for Grossman and the Bears afterwards, and his response is above. For the past 10 years as a result, when sports fans discuss a favorite dominating a game or a weaker opponent crumbling or a monster player doing the things he's expected to do, invariably someone will callback Dennis Green and say "(Player or Team X) is who we thought they were." It's now shorthand for observing something that should have been predictable before the contest, but the irony is that Green said it to point out how supremely prepared his team was for an opponent that ultimately beat him. No wonder Green was canned after that season. But for inventing a phrase that will go on long after his passing, RIP to Coach Green, and wherever he is, hopefully he's king of his castle and now they can crown his ass.
And there you have the 6th annual IMLD Hall of Infamy inductions. I will reveal these inductions to Jason live on our podcast at the very same time this post goes live, 9:00 PM Central Sunday night, August 7, on blogtalkradio.com/inmuchlessdetail as always. Jay will have the honors for next year's inductions. We plan on having guests on the podcast in the month of August as we get ready for the upcoming season, and our annual preview show will drop shortly before Week 1 kicks off. Talk to you then!
