Honors and Dishonors 2012

I'm finally recovered from the illness that hit me right around Super Bowl time (and no, it had nothing to do with losing this season to Dre), so it's time to hand out the hardware for the 2012 season. My crack staff of researchers (me) has compiled all the votes (1) and come up with these results, using the same categories established for 2011.

• MVP - Adrian Peterson, Superhuman Being, Vikings - Duh. Peterson made the recovery from knee surgery look so effortless that anyone who can't come back from it at an MVP caliber level of play will hereby be dubbed "a pussy".
• LVP - Tim Tebow, Alleged QB and Personal Punt Protector, Jets - Sure, it might be piling on at this point, but the Jets sold their souls to acquire yet another quarterback that was more mass-market appeal and less, you know, actual fucking quarterback. Rex Ryan was so unimpressed with Tebow that he left Mark Sanchez out on the field to repeatedly embarrass himself and the GM that brought in Tebow.
• Prognostication of the Year - As much as I want to award this to myself for my Denver/Baltimore tour de force of picking, taking the Ravens to win despite having my X-factor Trindon Holliday light up the Baltimore special teams, I have to split this to both Dre and myself for picking the Baltimore Ravens to win the Super Bowl. Sure we couldn't get either one of our NFC picks into the playoffs, but we more than made up for it by sticking with Ravens to come back from their crushing defeat in the 2011 AFC Championship. Despite Dre's crisis of confidence when the Ravens fired Cam Cameron late in the season, our preseason Super Bowl pick prevailed. Yay us!
• Worst Prognostication of the Year - Picking the Falcons to cover in both the divisional round AND the NFC Championship. If I'd picked against them once, the season would belong to me. Ah well, I knew a threepeat would be tough. Oh shit, do I owe Pat Riley money now?
• Quote of the Year - Dre took it in 2011 with "Fuck you, faggot Ravens!" but this year goes to me with the horrific pun "That's So Ravens." We dish out on the Ravens enough, you'd think we're Baltimore fans. I assure you, we are not.
• Play of the Year - Don't Let 'Em Get Behind You! I hope they keep the YouTube link up from the fans prospective here, with a mild-mannered woman exclaiming "Are You Fucking Kidding Me?" I said the same thing when Jacoby Jones somehow outran the entire Denver secondary at the end of the Broncos-Ravens Divisional round matchup. Joe Flacco hit Jones on a 70-yard bomb with half a minute to go to force overtime in one of those rare jump-off-the-couch plays that happen every few years or so.
• Worst Play of the Year - One word: Buttfumble! This might have been my actual favorite play of the year. Watching Mark Sanchez run literally up the ass of one of his lineman and then lay on the turf as the defense took the ball the other way could lighten even my darkest days.
• Rookie of the Year - Russell Wilson, QB, Seahawks - Yeah yeah, RG3 and Andrew Luck this and that. They were both handed jobs and excelled. Wilson was a third round pick selected to backup 4-million dollar Matt Flynn. Instead, Wilson took the job and very nearly guided the Seahawks into the NFC title game. That's good enough for me.
• Worst Rookie of the Year - Micheal Floyd, WR, Arizona Cardinals - Drafted to be a complement to Larry Fitzgerald, Floyd managed to play in all 16 games this last season and amass a total of 2 touchdowns. Yeah, the QB situation in the desert is a joke, but for a top half of the first round pick, his production was atrocious, averaging less than 3 catches per game.
• Awesome Story of the Year - It'll get even better too, and it wasn't even in the pros. Of course I'm referring to Manti Te'o, the gift that keeps on giving. Oh by the way, I called gay all the way on this one.
• The 2012 Houston Texans Memorial Chic Preseason Pick to Make the Playoffs will be - The Toronto Blue Jays. Oh wait, wrong sport. I'm gonna jump out early on this one and go with the San Diego Chargers. I think there will be a swell of support among the "experts" here.
• It Feels Like It Was Years Ago But It Happened This Season - The Arizona Cardinals were 4-0. Is that right?

Calls I was proud of:

• The Ravens, naturally.
• Trindon "X-Factor" Holliday
• More Bear Whispering
• Manti Te'o!

Calls I regret:

• Picking the Falcons in the Division and Conference rounds
• Finishing the season at .490 (I didn't deserve to win)
• OMFG, the Chiefs?

See you all (that's the 3 readers we have) at March Madness