2010 Week 4: What I Learned

• This NFL parity thing sucks.  How do you know who the really good teams are??
• Braylon Edwards can't make double moves and catch wide open touchdowns all season...can he?  That and a resurgent LaDainian Tomlinson killed the Bills as the Jets put together a 3-game winning streak.  I still don't like them, but I gotta respect them.  For now.
• Charlie Batch's "Close your eyes and fling" strategy didn't work for the Steelers this time, as they couldn't put up enough points to avoid a last-minute Joe Flacco TD pass to the forgotten T.J. Houshmandzadeh.  And the Ravens survive a tough matchup.  Maybe that pass will get Flacco going again, as he had not started the season as well as most had predicted he would.  And if Baltimore has a very good passing game, they can be almost unstoppable.
• I hate Sam Bradford.  As for Seattle, are they going to go 8-8 or what?  Find ways to win at home, turn in crappy efforts on the road...if they stay predictable like this, at least Jason and I can count on one guaranteed win per week.
• What does it mean when your team fumbles away a sure win?  Coach Psycho had to be going truly crazy watching 49ers CB Nate Clements intercept Falcons QB Matt Ryan's pass with 1:31 left in the 4th quarter and the Niners winning 14-13.  Clements refused to go down or get out of bounds and give his team the ball and a chance to run out the clock.  Instead, he tried to run all the way to the house for a TD and had to slow down to allow his blocking to set up, allowing Falcons WR Roddy White to run him down from behind and poke the ball out, allowing Atlanta to recover the fumble and drive back down the field to kick the game-winning FG.  There's a lesson somewhere in there about discipline and composure, but what are the odds that Coach Psycho Singletary can figure it out?
• This is what it sounds like when numbers lie, as Prince might sing.  Cincinnati QB Carson Palmer throws for 376 yards with two TDs, so one would think that he had a great game.  Terrell Owens had 222 yards receiving and a TD, so one would think he had a great game.  Wrong and wrong.  Most of this yardage for both guys came in the 2nd half out of a no-huddle offense when the Bengals were already down double digits to the juggernaut known as the Cleveland Browns.  And furthermore, T.O.'s 78-yard TD catch came when a defender covering him one on one just fell down.  Don't be fooled by the output--the Bengals still suck.  When Cincy needed this firepower at the end of the game, it was nowhere to be found.  I don't know how much success the Browns have in their future, but RB Peyton Hillis does it again, pacing their Top-10 rushing attack.  If he keeps it up, Cleveland can steal some more wins.
• I've been so dead wrong this season so many times that I'd like to take a moment and soak up the spotlight, as I point out that not only did I pick the Broncos to win at Tennessee, but I said how it would happen, with a late aerial attack from Air Orton.  Denver walked in with the #1 passing offense in the league, and by God, they got it done again.  Jason and I had a lot of fun watching the late downfall of Josh "Genius" McDaniels and the Broncos last year, and we'll enjoy it happening again.  But for now, all respect due to the Orange Crush.
• And oh, how close did I come to nailing the upset of the year, Panthers over Saints?  A late drive by QB Jimmy Clausen to put the Panthers in FG range comes up short, and Carolina only loses by 2.  Boy, are the Saints struggling.  But hey, at least they found a kicker in 46-year-old John Carney.  Cue the stale Chris Berman Honeymooners jokes.  (Not so) bold prediction:  If Cutler can't go for the Bears next week, I'm taking the Panthers straight up again.  Goodnight, everybody!
• What's wrong with the Green Bay Packers??  Still waiting for their 1st great team game.  And poor Detroit.  They certainly compete in every game, but it's easy to see why they keep losing--they have only one play (Calvin Johnson deep) and no secondary.
• 187 total yards, and he didn't play the 1st quarter.  This just in:  Arian Foster needs to miss more meetings and get suspended for the 1st 15 minutes of every game.  Or did he put up those large numbers because he was playing the Raiders?
• I told you Maurice Jones-Drew was done as an effective football player.  I also have no Goddamn clue what I'm talking about.  But the mitigating factor, of course, is he was playing against the Indianapolis Colts, who would let Jim Brown rush for 100 yards today.  Indy let the whole Jacksonville club run buck wild all over their ass.  The Jaguars QB, David Garrard, actually ran an option play in which he kept the ball and went 25 yards untouched for a TD.  That's a bullshit high school play and Indy had no chance to stop it.  That's fucking embarrassing.  So perhaps the most valuable lesson in all four of my What I Learned columns:  I have to take the points against Indy any time they're facing a team that can run the ball even a little.
• I didn't go with my gut in the Washington-Philadelphia game, which resulted in me being dead wrong in two different ways about this game.  Besides the result, I was off predicting the fan reaction to the return of Donovan McNabb.  I thought they would hate on him in Philly, but in the upset of the week, they gave him a standing ovation.  Philly fans acting with class--the Apocalypse must be upon us.  As for the game, I wanted to pick the Skins all week but eventually gave in to Michael Vick and how well he's played.  Then he gets knocked the fuck out and misses the 2nd half, allowing Kevin Kolb to show the world why Andy Reid was a dumbass for getting rid of McNabb.  Kolb refused to throw downfield despite his team being behind.  But the Eagles' biggest problem might not be the QB situation.  It might be their run defense.  Washington ran for 169 yards, including a bruising TD for someone named Ryan Torain and an 18-yard scramble by McNabb at the end of the game to seal it.  McNabb had a bad day throwing, save for a nice TD to Chris Cooley.  But thanks to Philly's D, he didn't have to throw to win the game.
• Derek Anderson blows harder than Gianna Michaels.
• Speaking of blows, how about that Chicago offensive line?  That was a special display they put on for the national television crowd.  What the Giants defensive line did to Bears QB Jay Cutler should have been rated TV-MA.  The prison-like gang-rape brutalization should have been viewed by mature audiences only.  I also want to give props to Ahmad Bradshaw, who eventually found room to run against the Bears D and, along with Brandon Jacobs, provided the only end-zone trips for this wretched game.
• The premature declaration of the arrival of Miami QB Chad Henne was shot down Monday night against the New England Patriots, who invented new ways to score on Miami seemingly every five minutes.  Run, throw, block kicks and punts, interceptions--you name it, the Pats used it to find their way onto the scoreboard.  The problem with New England is, they turn in so many uninspired efforts that you never know when to trust that they're all the way back as an elite team.  But as I said at the start of this entry, it's damn near impossible to know for sure who's really good in the NFL and who's just a mirage.