2013 Week 1: What I Learned

• Uh...don't fuck with Jason on our debut podcast for making picks???  And I lost every single pick to Jason head-to-head, why the hell are you reading this?  Clearly his recap should make a whole lot more sense.
• At least we both went down on the Thursday night opener, but I picked Baltimore to win.  Hey, they did score 27, like I said they would.  Still waiting for the defense to show up.  I wasn't through tweeting how Peyton Manning's arm is still not back to top strength before he threw his 2nd or 3rd or whatever TD pass.  Call me crazy, but most of his throws looked like they hung in the air forever, waiting for a competent defender to make a play on the ball.  Denver can't run option routes with Wes Welker and Eric Decker all year.  Eventually, Manning is going to have to play a full game of great football, and despite seven touchdowns, I guess I'm still skeptical.
• New England might be in trouble.  When Tom Brady attempts 52 passes and only produces 288 yards and two TDs, you gotta look at the weapons surrounding him.  Rookie WR Kenbrell Thompkins couldn't put his hands on the rock, only making four catches, and TE Zach Sudfeld pulled a hammy and couldn't make any plays.  At least RB Stevan Ridley's benching for fumbling with no defenders near him was offset by backup Shane Vereen having a great game in his place, but Vereen got hurt and won't be back before Week 11.  If Vereen doesn't pick up the slack, the Pats might have dropped the game completely.  I'll let Bills QB E.J. Manuel have a game against a pass defense better than New England before I declare him a thing.  But almost knocking off the vaunted Patriots in your debut?  Not bad.
• You know who's really in trouble?  The Pittsburgh Steelers.  They couldn't block for shit before they lost their All-Pro center Maurkice Pouncey for the season thanks to a teammate taking out his knee ligaments on a dive so hard and direct you'd think it was a message from Odin Lloyd's family or something.  Tennessee didn't produce much on offense, as expected, but the Steelers could not take advantage all day.  They couldn't establish the run, and that let the Titans tee off on Ben Roethlisberger, which usually isn't a problem for him except his pressure releases since he was drafted have been WRs Hines Ward and then Mike Wallace, who aren't there anymore.  One week of Antonio Brown and Emanuel Sanders as adequate replacements for Wallace's production?  Terrible thus far.  There's a lot of season left, but not a lot of good o-linemen for Pittsburgh to go get, which is the first major problem they need to address.
• Atlanta came out on top of New Orleans early and quieted the electric Superdome, but the Dome found its juice again just like in the Super Bowl.  Drew Brees and the Saints wore down the Falcons defense.  The pace of the Saints offense was dizzying.  Atlanta knows their weaknesses on D, which were secondary play and pass rush, and they tried to address those concerns in the offseason.  But there's only so much you can do against Brees, even when he has new weapons to work into the game plan like WR Kenny Stills, who fit right in.  The Dirty Birds still had a chance to steal a win at the end, but the nonexistent blocking allowed Matt Ryan to get rushed into a bad 4th-and-goal throw, which was intercepted in the end zone.  He could have used the equally nonexistent Roddy White as a target, but he was banged up and didn't perform well at all.  If Ryan can calm his happy feet and White can recuperate and make himself useful in future games, the Falcons should be fine.  The Saints appear to be ready to challenge for division supremacy again, although I'd love to see Rob Ryan's blitzing 3-4 against a squad with a better offensive line.
• How frustrating must it be to watch the Tampa Bay Buccaneers?  QB Josh Freeman lost all sense of consistency last year, and he ain't found it yet.  The defense is young and full of playmakers, and they're also very short on discipline.  Tackling machine Levonte David scored the biggest FAIL of the day when he shoved Jets QB Geno Smith while out of bounds with five seconds left in a game Tampa was winning by 2.  The penalty yardage gave Nick Folk a 48-yard FG chance, which is no gimme, but he drilled it and gave New York an upset win in Geno's debut.  Don't bet on the rookie QBs?  What moron said that?  Oh, that was me.  My bad.
• The same moron who said to take Jacksonville even though they were starting a terrible QB in Blaine Gabbert who came in already hurt.  178 yards of offense, 6 sacks, and the worst INT I think I've ever seen--the one where Gabbert stared at Kansas City pass rusher Tamba Hali and threw the ball DIRECTLY INTO HIS FUCKING CHEST--later, Gabbert had cut his hand and Chad Henne was in, and miracle of miracles, the ball actually moved forward, even though the Jags still couldn't score on offense.  If you want to love the Chiefs, go ahead, but keep in mind that they played probably the worst team in football starting probably the worst starting quarterback in football.  It won't always be this easy.
• Carolina had a major upset brewing at home over Seattle, but stop me if you've heard this:  The Panthers committed silly penalties, looked badly coached, and got inconsistent play from QB Cam Newton.  In other words, some things are as obvious as they seem.  This game, you can also sprinkle in a bad fumble at a bad time by RB DeAngelo Williams as the Panthers were driving to take the lead.  The one Seahawks TD also looked familiar, because people should see by now that Russell Wilson is married to the end-zone bomb anytime he's near midfield.  He's a rather conservative QB all other times, but when he's near the 50-yard line, look deep.  Whether it's Sidney Rice, Golden Tate, or this guy Jermaine Kearse, who's so unknown his own family probably didn't know he was playing, Wilson will air it out.
• Chicago needed a 2nd-half rally to come back and beat Cincinnati, and with new head coach Marc Trestman, they actually looked like a real offense when they had to.  With blocking and everything!  Maybe this Jay Cutler will put it together after all.  I'm really concerned about the Bengals, because the whole offense, not just QB Andy Dalton, looks lost when the play isn't Dalton throwing to A.J. Green.  The one time Dalton tries to get it to someone else, Mohamed Sanu gets the ball stripped.  At this point, they should know that Dalton has to get it to other guys to make plays.  There's no future for Cincy if Green is the only damn man that can be trusted in that offense.  And the Bears might have the right mix of guys on the offensive line now, but it's still baffling that the Bengals couldn't sack Cutler even once.  Geno Atkins was manhandled all day, and that's a recipe for losing.
• Speaking of recipes for losing, what a shitty perfect storm of bad line play and bad QB play for the Cleveland Browns.  Three 1st-half interceptions by Brandon Weeden would make any team throttle their QB down, but because the Browns couldn't get Trent Richardson running like they want him to, they had to keep dropping back and throwing, and it didn't go well.  The Browns actually led Miami at halftime, but the Dolphins were outplaying Cleveland pretty clearly, and the better team took control in the 2nd half.  The Fish appear to have a pass rush that can make plays when they need it, which is bad news for the AFC East.  The Browns may have to keep throwing when the opponent shuts down the running game, which is really bad news for the Browns.
• Ndamukong Suh was elected a team captain for the Detroit Lions this year.  He's really trying to be more mature, not take dumb penalties, not make dirty plays, he's looking to play a leadership role...and then he sees a Vikings offensive lineman nowhere near a Lions INT return and decides it's a good idea to try to block the lineman...with a dive at the knee...from behind...ten yards behind the play...resulting in a penalty that nullified the easy TD.  Wow, Suh.  Just...wow.  And Detroit survived that and Adrian Peterson throwing up a middle finger to the whole league on the first run of the season and Calvin Johnson fumbling another TD catch to win and cover, giving me one of my three whole wins this week.  Reggie Bush hit a switch with Miami last year and started playing like the #2 overall draft pick finally, and he may not slow down at all this season.  It may be enough to overcome some of his very dumb teammates.  Or not.
• I took Oakland to cover in Indianapolis because I said the Raiders might run for 200 yards against their traditionally terrible run D.  I was wrong on this one.  Oakland only ran for 171.  Hey, if they made it to 200, they might have shocked the world and won the game.  All you Colts lovers, remember that they still can't tackle anyone, at least not without their best tackler, Pat Angerer, who was out for this game.  He doesn't make that much of a difference, but he is an improvement over the rest of those bums.  I doubt if Oakland has a franchise QB in Terrelle Pryor, but I'm pulling for him since he remains the only NFL player to be suspended for shit that happened before he ever got into the league.  Think there's a chance in hell that will happen to Johnny Football??
• All hail the best damn possession receiver in the game today, Anquan Boldin.  He proved it last year leading Baltimore to a title, and he might do it this year with San Francisco.  Colin Kaepernick didn't run all over the Packers like he did in the playoffs, because he was able to stay in the pocket and deliver 13 balls to Boldin and keep those sticks moving.  To have that ability and know that in your back pocket you can still have your QB outrun everyone is a beautiful thing, and I expect Coach Insane to tailor game plans all year depending on if the opposing defense has better athletes at linebacker or cornerback.  Green Bay's one athlete on defense that matters, Clay Matthews, came to play, even if it was through the whistle.  His cheap shot on Kaep in the 2nd quarter didn't stop the Niners, but it showed how fired up he was to get at San Fran after thinking about that playoff game all offseason.  But this is where Green Bay should be very afraid:  They got the crazy, Roided-Up Troglodyte version of Matthews, and they still lost.  What happens when he wears down later in the year?  And the only guys that had a worse day than the refs in this game were the o-linemen for the Pack.  Aaron Rodgers is used to playing well despite the lack of blocking, but it's gotta be getting old.
• Could Jason have been hotter this week or what?  He nailed the Cardinals covering the number in St. Louis yet still losing the game.  Interception Santa lit it up early, playing with the best receiver he's ever had in Larry Fitzgerald, then the Rams got pressure and Santa delivered a pick, and the Rams were able to come back for the win.  Arizona may be a factor this year if Carson Palmer can stay upright.
• Six Giants turnovers and they still had a chance to win in Dallas?  Yeah, color me not impressed with the Cowboys.  David Wilson couldn't have played worse at RB for New York, and Eli Manning was bad when not targeting Victor Cruz, and yet the Giants lost by less than a TD.  Tony Romo unleashed some throws that made my mouth drop, they were so off target.  The Dallas running game stunk.  And the defense was propelled by a rejuvenated DeMarcus Ware terrorizing the QB.  I can't help but wonder, like Green Bay with Roided-Up Troglodyte, what happens when the season wears on and Ware can't perform like this?  And Jason once again was spot on, as the spotlight is already shining harshly on Giants coach Tom Coughlin and the whole RB controversy.  Start spreading the news!
• Another moronic call by me, as I said Michael Vick and the newfangled Eagles couldn't go into Washington and show off because Vick still makes too many mistakes.  Vick still showed a knack for screwing up and holding on to the ball too long, but in between, he ran that Chip Kelly Speedball offense expertly.  It helps to have one of the best damn running backs in your backfield in LeSean McCoy.  And I hope McCoy can throw, because Vick won't be around long running those option plays and throwing blocks and getting popped.  But he looked sharp, and RGIII didn't, and that should be the last time any of us pick a QB coming off a major knee injury and zero preseason action.  Griffin looked very rusty out there, and that's not just throwing.  He looked to be much slower running than he was last year, which I think will be the main reason why the Redskins don't return to the playoffs.  He's not nearly as good without the world-class wheels.
• I didn't understand Houston's secondary play in the Monday night finale in San Diego.  The defensive backfield didn't seem to be in the right spot over and over again, as if they didn't practice together at all.  By the time they put it together, Philip Rivers had thrown four TDs, and although the Chargers couldn't hold on for the win, they covered the number and completed Jason's clean sweep of our head-to-head games, save for the Cincy-Chicago push.  The Texans won because they have the better athletes, especially Brian Cushing, and they eventually took over and outplayed San Diego.  It's how they win most of their games, so no surprise there.  The surprise was how bad the DBs performed against Rivers and his mediocre receivers.  Don't buy into a Charger rebirth; that 1st half is probably as good as it's going to get.

Week 1 Records--Dre 3-12-1, .200; Jay 12-3-1, .800