2013 Week 2: What I Learned

• I had to learn to not get too excited about good starts to the week.  It can get real shitty in a hurry.
• Jason's got the "Tom Brady is a Whiny Bitch" market covered, so I'll try to look at the actual Jets-Pats game to see what could be learned from that.  Geno Smith's not scurred, I'll give him that.  He hangs in the pocket in the face of pass rushers and he doesn't try to run at every hint of trouble.  You know what else he doesn't do?  Get rid of the fucking football.  I couldn't say if his receivers were open or not, but he certainly held onto the ball as if they were all being blanketed, and predictably, when Smith and the Jets had to throw at the end of the game to try to win it, he got intercepted, because that's how it works.  Throw when you don't have to, and the defense will be much less prepared to make a play on the ball.  Simple.  I asked Jay at the beginning of the Saturday show if he thought the bad quality of the game was because it's the Jets, or Brady and the Pats aren't on the same page, or the weather, or the Thursday Night Football aspect where the teams are having an NFL car crash four days after their last car crash?  He said it's probably a combo of those things, and I think I agree.  But man, I wonder if New England's passing offense will look better this next upcoming game against Tampa with ten days of prep.  If not, that team's got no shot at a decent season.
• It's obvious that the Falcons have trouble defending teams when Matt Ryan and the offense hands them a big lead.  That's a direct result of having no pass rush.  No secondary can hold up under constant go routes and slants when the QB isn't being rushed.  It happened again vs. the Rams, as Matty Ice and Julio Jones put on an aerial show to push the Dirty Birds to a big lead before Sam Bradford and Tavon Austin kept hooking up to bring St. Louis back.  I like Atlanta to win the title still because defense is less important now than at any other time in the history of football.  But it doesn't make it any easier to watch the Falcons constantly get lit on fire through the air.  Thankfully they built that big lead early and held on, like I predicted.
• You know who the Chargers remind me of these first two games under new coach Mike McCoy?  The old New England Patriots, you know, when all of their receivers weren't 14 years old and bad.  You got the veteran QB in Philip Rivers, sitting comfortable and picking out very quick targets, and you got guys catching the ball in perfect position to turn upfield and make huge plays out of routine throws.  There's even Danny Woodhead running around catching dink-and-dunk underneath shit when needed, just like he did as a Patriot.  I'm not declaring San Diego the next big thing, but fuck, they would have blown Philadelphia out if not for two red-zone fumbles.  I'm really curious if the Eagles' poor defensive showing is a result of their hurry-up offense not leaving them recovery time, or if they just suck.  They even tried blitzing in the 2nd half to rattle Rivers, but they weren't successful.  The Eagles and Chip Kelly get the short week to prepare for old boss Andy Reid and the Chefs, and the way Alex Smith has run that offense, it might be more of the same Thursday night.
• Reid and that Novocaine offense, as Jason puts it, survived the Cowboys finding a way to not win, as they are wont to do.  I'll take the victory against the number, and I deserve it because Dallas was better even though they lost.  I was amazed at the Cowboys choosing to not even try to be balanced on offense in any way.  Tony Romo was going to throw to Dez Bryant on every play until Kansas City stopped it, and they really never did.  It was Bryant dropping a wide-open 1st-down conversion that opened the door for KC to get the comeback win.  Who knows if Dallas could have put up more points if they involved other players.  The Chiefs appear to have a baseline level of offensive production that they can rely on as long as Alex Smith is upright, and while that is a large improvement over the uncertainty of their QB play over the last decade, I'm still not calling them a playoff team.
• The Miami-Indy game went just like we figured--the Dolphins play hard, contend with the Colts all game, and Andrew Luck has a chance to win it late because it was a tight contest.  The difference is that finally, a team stopped Luck from completing the comeback.  Indy's protection broke down, and Luck couldn't weather the storm.  No shame in that loss for the Colts, but how about a round of applause for the 2-0 Miami Dolphins!  And on the road, no less.  That crazy pick of Miami bringing a division title to South Beach doesn't look so damn crazy right now, does it?!
• YA DONE PISSED ME OFF! Team #1:  The Houston Fucking Texans.  So the Texans are rolling along, not squashing the Tennessee Titans as I'd hoped, but outplaying them and winning by 4 with the chance to make it double digits and cover the number for me in the 4th quarter.  The sequence that followed made my jaw drop:  Houston tackled Chris Johnson in the end zone for a safety to go up 6, they got stopped on the next drive but pinned Jake Locker and that grade-school Titans offense at the 1-yd. line, then J.J. Watt and the "stout" Texans defense gives up a 99-yd. drive in like 4 minutes in which Locker found whatever receiver he wanted wide open, then Matt Schaub and that "elite" Texans offense take the next possession and go backwards three straight plays including two sacks (one didn't count due to offsetting penalties) before WR DeAndre Hopkins runs the wrong fucking way and Schaub throws a pick-6 right to the defender, and now Tennessee is not just covering but is winning by 8 and really should have gone home with the win, ruining millions of survivor pools.  The Texans were weak in that sequence, mentally, physically, in every way.  You can lose a game (or not cover a spread) in a variety of ways that don't involve getting your manhood blowed up in front of God and the world.  Yeah, yeah, credit to Jake Locker for making the throws, credit to Titans d-coordinator Gregg Williams for audibling to some bounties or something...but really, Houston, you played like 53 pussies in that 4th quarter, period.  DB Bernard Pollard put your star receiver Andre Johnson to sleep during that quarter, too, and you might not have won if not for that because it made Hopkins the only viable receiving option for Schaub during the rally, and Hopkins came through big time.  But seriously.  Get your shit together.  That's two games in a row where you played nothing like you're capable.
• Same old Aaron Rodgers, same old Washington defense (2 games, 1,023 yards of offense surrendered!), same RGIII bumbling around as if he didn't play at all during the preseason or something.  Nothing to see here, folks.
• Cleveland-Baltimore also went like I figured, with both offenses struggling mightily but the Ravens having just enough to win by a TD.  I know Brandon Weeden has been less than excellent as the Browns QB thus far, but remember, he does get deep threat WR Josh Gordon back from suspension next game in the Metrodome.  He might make a difference.
• YA DONE PISSED ME OFF! Team #2:  The Carolina Fucking Panthers.  It looks like coach Chico Rivera will pay the price for the Panthers and their consistent inconsistency.  Maybe fairly, maybe not.  But there's no doubt that this team doesn't know how to play winning football despite having some really talented players.  Buffalo was using a quicker pace with their rookie QB E.J. Manuel, and that should have been an invitation for the Panthers to confuse Manuel with different looks on defense and force him into indecision and mistakes.  But they just let the Bills hang around until that sad last drive where Manuel kept hitting short little passes that should have used up the game clock except Carolina would let Buffalo receivers run out of bounds or they would just commit a penalty and give the Bills renewed hope.  Then the TD pass to Stevie Johnson, the Bills' best WR by a mile, who was totally uncovered in the end zone...that was a wow.  Cam Newton and the Panthers looked better on offense than last week against Seattle, but they still didn't do enough to win.  Whoever let Bills DE Mario Williams rack up 4½ sacks while Carolina tried to put the game away should be cut right now.  And the Panthers kept losing defensive backs to injury, which I'm sure contributed to the confusion on that final drive with a bunch of new guys in there on defense.  But no excuses.  Quit trying to be like last year's Lions and Cowboys and Jets, inventing new ways to lose games.  It's not a good look at all.
• So much for the Vikings securing a win when Adrian Peterson runs more than 20 times.  He got 26 carries for 100 yards, but he couldn't punch the ball in the end zone on any of Minnesota's three FG drives in the 4th quarter, and that left Jay Cutler enough time to lead yet another game-winning drive.  The Vikes need another QB, not that Christian Ponder's the worst in the league (yeah, Gabbert, I'm looking at ya), but he's not very good.  The Bears?  Golf clap.  Nice win, boys, another come-from-behind effort.  But, um, remember what I said last week about protecting Jay Cutler from Jared Allen?  You let Allen get him once on a scramble, and it turned into a defensive TD.  Should have cost you the game.  Good luck next Sunday night in the Steel City.
• Weird shit in Tampa Bay, not just the lightning delay (ok, time out--WTF is with all these lightning delays??  Did we miss another Mayan deadline where we're all about to get electrocuted or something?) but it seemed like New Orleans let the Bucs' careless habits infect them, too.  How else to explain the Saints kicking a FG up 3 at the end of the 1st half and taking the points off the board because a TB penalty moved them from the 2 to the 1-yd. line, giving them a shot at a TD that they could have taken on 4th down from the 2 if it was that damn important?  They didn't get the TD and they missed covering the spread by a FG so they really screwed Jason and me out of that pick.  Tampa played hard, as we expected under their embattled college coach Greg Schiano, and they played undisciplined and stupid, as we also expected.  But in between all the Bucs penalties and generally putrid execution, Drew Brees found himself throwing an 85-yard INT for a TD that was such a direct bullet to the defender Mason Foster that it looked staged.  I guess if you touch the Buccaneers long enough, eventually you acquire the TB virus.  (YEEEAAAHH!!)  I still don't believe in the Saints.
• YA DONE PISSED ME OFF! Team #3:  The Detroit Fucking Lions.  Yes, I did suggest to Jason that Arizona stud WR Larry Fitzgerald looked likely to miss the game against Detroit.  But he jumped at that nugget of information and changed his pick voluntarily.  Late Sunday afternoon, after I got off work, I found out that Fitz was going to give it a go.  All I could do was hope that the Lions could persevere despite that.  Of course, they didn't.  Interception Santa even tried to give the Lions the game, as Detroit took an 8-point lead after the pick-6, but the Cardinals rallied back.  What Carson Palmer giveth with his INT gifts, he can taketh away because he's so much better than the previous Arizona QBs ever since Kurt "Dumplings" Warner retired.  Not sure how big of a loss Reggie Bush was in this game, as it looked like Detroit still had it in hand, but that blocked FG sure hurt the Lions and turned momentum. The team with the most blocked FGs since 2008 is the Arizona Cardinals, and I wish I knew how to quantify that into how much more likely they are to win games as a result.  I wonder if the Lions lead the league in come-from-ahead losses in that span.
• Jacksonville doesn't even piss me off because it's totally my fault that I keep picking them.  I'm going off the thought that they can't go 0-16, and Kansas City and Oakland looked like decent spots to get a win or at least cover the number.  How about this:  I don't care what the spread is Sunday when the Jags go to Seattle, I'll take the Seahawks and give the points as my Lock of the Week.  There, that should get Jacksonville their first cover of the year.  Probably even win the game.
• Running games made the difference in Jersey, where Peyton won the Manning Bowl for the 3rd straight time over Eli.  The Giants don't have one, and the Broncos do.  It's so hard to beat a good team with no balance, and Denver's a very good team.  As I figured, Eli didn't lay down and have a crap game, he just didn't have the firepower to hold off the Broncos and the offensive onslaught they were going to have.  Lots of talk about Eli's turnovers, which is a problem.  But it's not the reason the G-Men are in trouble.  David Wilson's failures are the main problems.  I don't know when Peyton gets to play a challenging defense, but until he does, the Broncos should roll.
• YA DONE PISSED ME OFF! Team #4:  The San Francisco Fucking-Niners.  San Fran probably doesn't even deserve to be one of the teams that pissed me off because the team they were playing was on another level and couldn't have been beaten by anyone Sunday night.  But the fact is, the 49ers still aggravated me.  They appeared to be overwhelmed by the moment playing in that unbelievably loud stadium in Seattle.  But it's not like they never played there before.  Colin Kaepernick got happy feet early because of the dominant D-line play of the Seahawks.  It looked like they forced more SF play-action than they normally run as the Niners tried to disrupt Seattle's defensive timing.  It never worked.  CB Richard Sherman took the challenge of holding down WR Anquan Boldin and excelled, and the rest of the D was freed up to fly to the ball and smother San Fran.  Both defenses were extra-hyped, but Seattle was able to stick to the run and pound away on the ground.  Russell Wilson took a shot on an option play but shook it off and stuck to the game plan, and Seattle was much the better team on this night.  I thought Coach Insane would have his team ready after last year's blasting.  I thought wrong.
• The Cincinnati cover over Pittsburgh was a case of a score being so close that it really could have gone either way, and illustrates how hard it is to pick against the spread.  If Cincy's last TD drive gets stopped and they take a FG, they win 16-10 (which was my score prediction) and the Steelers cover the 6½.  But it was not meant to be.  I thought Todd Haley was a boob when he coached the Chiefs, so I'm not surprised that Pittsburgh's offense is struggling now that he's their offensive coordinator.  But I'll recognize that he tried some different things to help out Ben Roethlisberger and the woeful Pittsburgh offense.  On their first two 3rd downs, they ran, trying to avoid the blitz and give the running game some confidence.  Didn't work, but they tried.  Ben seemed so stunned every time he got time in the pocket that he was too anxious to get the ball to his targets and missed his throws.  He wasn't as inaccurate as Andy Dalton, but it was close.  Haley also tried a bit of no-huddle, which was curious given the o-line struggles, but the TD at the end of the 1st half came off the no-huddle, so it looked like a good idea.  The worst thing the Bengals could do was blitz Big Ben, because he took advantage of the man-to-man coverage.  But once Cincy figured that out, they shut down the Steelers in the 2nd half just rushing 4 guys, or sometimes even 3.  Pittsburgh won't win any shootouts because they can't protect long enough for Ben to hit 5 or 6 big pass plays downfield.  He'll be lucky to get more than two downfield shots per game.  The Bengals have a Jekyll-and-Hyde at QB in Dalton.  He found receivers other than A.J. Green in the 2nd half to put the game away, but that was after he missed badly on several throws in the 1st half.  He has to be more consistent for them to take the next step.

Week 2 Records--Dre 7-9, .438; Jay 9-7, .563
YTD Records--Dre 10-21-1, .323; Jay 21-10-1, .677