2013 Week 6: What I Learned

• Slowly chipping away...slowly chipping away.  If I had the Rock's confidence, I could pull out one of his old promos and talk shit to Jason.  "The clock's ticking.  Tick tock.  Tick tock."
• I talked about Chicago's problems stopping the run on this past Saturday's podcast.  How they could let the Giants' Brandon Jacobs run over them like a car over a kitty cat is astounding.  They also slipped into their familiar version of the Cover-0, where a safety forgets his assignment and a receiver is wide open.  I hope the Bears don't think they can now pass rush based on their Thursday night battering of Eli Manning and the G-Men, because they can't.  That's just how bad the Giants pass block.  And it results in throws so bad that Eli almost moved into #bencheli territory.  He got fucked by his tight end having no hands on that last pick, but Eli's decision making is certainly a major problem that he must overcome before New York wins a game.  And both teams had to blitz like crazy to create pressure, which is a sure sign of desperation.
• Strange game in Baltimore, where Green Bay had to find totally unfamiliar ways to win due to injuries.  No Clay Matthews on defense meant they had to blitz an interchangeable white linebacker, A.J. Hawk, and that worked for a while.  Losing WRs James Jones and Randall Cobb meant that Aaron Rodgers, when he had time to throw, had to rely on JerMichael Finley, always inconsistent, and Jarrett Boykin, who had stone hands.  But the very good Packer run blocking allowed a play action fake to open up the only decent receiver left, Jordy Nelson, for a home run TD that ultimately was the game-winner.  That, boys and girls, is why running is important, even to offenses that love to throw.  I'm still a little dizzy over what Joe Flacco and the Ravens were trying to do.  There was no running room all day, yet they still tried to run on 4th-and-goal instead of kicking a FG.  Of course, they got stuffed.  And the pass game plan seemed to be, a few long bombs, and if they don't work, check down and pray.  Coordinator Jim Caldwell won a title with these guys last year, and I'm still not convinced that he knows what the hell he's doing.
• Tampa Bay U. let Nick Foles dissect them, and the Eagles came away with a road win without their star QB Michael Vick.  I can be a loony conspiracy theorist sometimes, so I was wondering if Riley Cooper making huge plays for Philadelphia was the result of a faulty defensive scheme by the Buccaneers or if it was the result of a non-black throwing the ball for Philly.  Is Cooper actually useful and being ignored by Vick, or is TBU that bad?  Well, Deion Sanders talked about the Tampa defensive scheme on NFL Network's recap show, and he made sense for a change.  He observed CB Darrelle Revis peeling off underneath as part of the Tampa-2 coverage and he opined that it's a waste of Revis's skillz to make him just a cog in a Cover-2 scheme instead of the shutdown CB he was supposedly brought in to be.  They could have used a shutdown corner in this one, whether to stop Cooper or DeSean Jackson.
• If Pittsburgh had not come off a bye to stop a rookie QB who likes to turn the ball over, then they could have just called it a season and not played any more games.  But they picked off Geno Smith twice and put the Jets away as they should have.  Prideful veterans off to a slow start have used opportunities like this to build big comeback seasons.  I'm just sayin'.
• Only ten carries for Adrian Peterson?  I guess he wasn't the only one whose head wasn't in the game.  Yeah, the whole Vikings team looked mentally out of it, and they may have lost big to Carolina even if AP got his normal workload, but I'm not letting the coaching staff off the hook.  Peterson says he's ready to play, use his ass.  If he doesn't look like he's all there, yank him immediately and give yourself a chance to work other guys in so they may establish themselves.  Playing it halfway like this guaranteed Minnesota a loss.  And why is Josh Freeman rewarded with the starting QB gig after this outing?  Can you really judge Matt Cassel or anyone for their performance in this disaster?
• In Kansas City, two teams tried to blitz each other to death and succeeded.  Really.  I think Terrelle Pryor and Alex Smith are both dead.  The difference was, Pryor had no help from his backs or receivers and cracked in the 2nd half, throwing up horrible interceptions when he wasn't being sacked 10 times.  Smith was able to use Jamaal Charles to ease the pressure.  I still don't like how KC wins, even though they haven't lost all year.  They got shut out for the first 29 minutes by the Oakland Fucking Raiders.  That's unacceptable.  The first real defense the Chiefs run into, they might get blanked for the whole game.
• Houston Toxins, indeed.  We'll have to start printing T-shirts with some of these sayings and slogans we're coming up with, because how perfect for that team right now is the hashtag "#houstontoxins"?  The St. Louis Rams rocked the Houston Texans from start to finish.  What kind of team do you have when you let your stud RB Arian Foster do work and then back him up with a timid QB in Matt Schaub who refused to take chances with risky throws because he was so scared of tossing another INT?  And then he gets hurt and T.J. Yates comes in and says, "Hey!  We haven't thrown a Pick-6 yet!  I can do that!"  If this isn't rock bottom for them, I don't know what is.  That said, with all that talent, rock bottom might make them bounce back and go on a run.  Time will tell.
• I'm about sick of random black QBs with almost no experience leading the Buffalo Bills to relevance.  If it ain't E.J. Manuel, it's Thad Lewis.  Maybe Marvin Lewis knows that he's a distant relative and took it easy on him, but the fact is, Cincinnati held a 24-10 4th quarter lead in Buffalo and couldn't hold off the Bills from tying and forcing OT.  Where the hell was the Bengal pass rush?  At least Andy Dalton and the Cincy offense responded to the early Thad Lewis barrage, or else they might have lost.  It's not playing down to the competition for the whole game, but it's doing it for the last ten minutes, and that's about as bad.
• Hmmm, Calvin Johnson's hobbled, Nate Burleson's training for the pizza catch in the next Olympiad, Ryan Broyles and Brandon Pettigrew are busy underperforming, it makes total sense that Matthew Stafford and the Detroit Lions survived in Cleveland by finding that end zone master, that professor of TD catches...Justin Joseph Fauria!  WHO???  Yeah, The Justin Joseph Fauria.  He caught 3 TDs to lead the Lions to an eventual victory over the feisty Browns.  And how did the Browns fall off after hanging in the game in the 1st half?  Well, remember why I advocated to get rid of the Brown Fever?  That's right, Weeden's gonna Weeden.  Brandon Weeden can only keep up his impersonation of an NFL quarterback for so long, then he starts throwing the worst INTs you'll ever see.  Underhanded, in the air for about 45 seconds, while being pulled to the ground so he's not seeing his target...as wrong a decision as can get.  Thanks, Brandon.  We know you're good for that every game, and that's why we're swearing off the Brown Fever.
• Weeden's ridiculous picks can be rivaled by Ryan Fitzpatrick, and that's why he's no longer a Bill after they signed him to a long-term deal.  As hard as Tennessee hits and competes, they can be in any game with anybody, but Fitzpatrick can cough it up to anybody too, so the Titans were able to cover the number in Seattle but not pull the big upset despite leading at halftime.  They had a big assist in covering from the whole jacked-up Seahawks placekicker situation.  Their normal kicker Steven Hauschka got his nose rearranged on a kickoff, so the punter had to try a FG at the end of the 1st half, and he was so slow approaching the ball after the snap that the Titans were about to block the kick.  So the holder pulled the ball back and got stripped by Zack Brown, and Jason McCourty scooped it up and ran for a long TD.  I liked Seattle scoring the first TD down 3-0 in the 2nd quarter by running Marshawn "Beast Mode" Lynch on 4th down.  Coach Pete Carroll and coordinator Darrell Bevell know their strengths, and that's why they rode Lynch in the 2nd half, running and receiving.
• There was never a chance Denver was covering that ridiculous spread against Jacksonville.  Never ever ever.  That was Jacksonville's Super Bowl.  Denver got the best effort of every single Jaguar and still beat them by 16 because the Jaguars are terrible.  But 26??  Never.  That was the lock of the week straight up (Denver) and ATS (Jacksonville).  You may never see the Jags rush the passer with that much effort again, and Maurice Jones-Drew even showed up for the contest.  How many Pick-6s do you expect ever again from Paul Posluszny?  I may not pick the Jags again this year because that was their best possible effort by a mile.
• I counted the number of drops by Patriots receivers against the Saints, for those who still think Tom Brady is no good or that New Orleans has a good defense now.  Two drops in the 1st quarter, two in the 2nd, two in the 3rd, five (!) in the 4th.  They still beat the Saints by throwing a TD with five seconds left in a situation where a TD was the only score that could have won.  Hear me now:  The Saints D still sucks.  New England may have won by 20 if their receivers had hands.  Aaron Dobson caught spectacular passes and dropped the routine ones, meaning he would fit perfectly in spring training for the White Sox.  Julian Edelman, Danny Amendola, TEs whose names I'm not going to try to type...you name it, they all dropped passes that were very catchable.  The Saints had a hell of a time finding an offensive rhythm because the Patriots pass coverage shut down Jimmy Graham, leaving Drew Brees nothing but checkdowns and screens until the "Holy Shit!" throw to Kenny Stills in the 4th on 3rd-and-20 to give NO the lead.  But in the end, Brady came out on top.  Jason and I talked about how the Saints D ranked so high in points allowed, and I observed that one of those games was against Atlanta, who loved to rip up and down the field eating up yardage until the red zone, where Matty Ice refused to make the TD throw.  That thing Brady did with 5 seconds left?  That, that was the throw Matty Ice can't make.  That was the throw champions make.
• Break out the milk cartons because I'm searching for the best possession WR in the game, Anquan Boldin.  San Francisco almost lost the game, much less the cover, against Arizona because Colin Kaepernick is having trouble locating open receivers.  If you're counting on TE Vernon Davis going for 180 yards and 2 TDs every game, you're going to be really sad.  I call Jason out when he wins lucky picks, so he's got every right to call me on this one.  There's no way the 49ers should have covered the number after trailing early giving up a long TD to a clearly gimpy Larry Fitzgerald and struggling in the passing game so much.  Of course Interception Santa came to the rescue, as did Fitz, who fumbled as Arizona was going into the red zone down 22-20 in the 3rd.  SF needs some healthy weapons fast.
• Dwayne Harris was a killer in the return game for Dallas, resulting in another lucky win for me as the Cowboys arguably weren't as prolific on offense as the Redskins were on Sunday night.  Harris had a punt return for a TD and a kickoff return that set up another score to prop up a Dallas defense that suffered some serious injuries.  You could tell the Shanahan Boyz spent the bye week brainstorming and brewing up all kinds of formations and fancy plays, and some of them even worked.  Robert Griffin III continued to look like he was gaining his form back from last year.  Is that 5th gear that made him so special last year back?  It looked like it at times.  He kept drives alive by scrambling when Dallas was pressuring him.  One thing was missing, though:  RG3 wasn't taking deep shots with his arm downfield.  I don't have the All-22 film, so I don't know if it was because the Cowboys had great coverage or because Griffin just didn't think he had the open wideouts.  He needs his wheels to open up the long bombs if the Skins are to get back to last season's success.  He wasn't all that accurate, so maybe it was self-awareness that stopped him from airing it out.  Dallas looked especially impressive on the offensive line, but that's probably a result of playing Washington.
• Someone other than Robert Mathis has to rush the passer for Indianapolis, or else there will be more sleepy, slow deaths like what they suffered Monday in San Diego.  Philip Rivers had time to pick his way downfield when the Chargers blocked Mathis.  But more impressive was how the Bolts realized that they could maul the Colts in the run game, and they actually committed to it.  Ryan Mathews didn't have any burst, but he didn't need it because the Chargers kept moving the sticks methodically with Mathews and Danny Woodhead until Andrew Luck was out of time.  Luck also had some bad WR drops but couldn't overcome them like Tom Brady.  The San Diego blitz screwed with Luck's timing, and he and his receivers never got in sync.  For Indy, I think it was one of those games where everything just went wrong.  For San Diego, I can't say enough how surprised I was that they adjusted their game plan to take advantage of the awful Indy run D.  I'd be afraid of the Chargers if I have them on my schedule.

Week 6 Records--Dre 9-6, .600; Jay 7-8, .467
YTD Records--Dre 42-48-2, .467; Jay 48-42-2, .533