Week 5 ATS Recap: We Gotta Stop Picking the Texans and Jaguars!

Picks We Both Won (3)

• Chiefs (-2½) 26, Titans 17 - We knew better than to pile on Ryan Fitzpatrick too much, and thankfully so, as Fitzpatrick had the Titans up halfway through the 4th quarter.
• Cardinals (+1) 22, Panthers 6 - Cam Newton and Interception Santa delivered a lot of presents to the opposing defenses, combining for six picks (yet no pick-6's). In the end, the Cards defense and a late Santa touchdown pass sealed the deal, proving Dre's and my theory that the Carolina romp over the Giants should not be trusted. As we are aware of now, no win over the Giants should count for much of anything.
• Jets (+10½) 30, Falcons 28 - Losing this pick was never in doubt, as the Falcons have now reached Texans levels of distrust (though I keep picking Houston). If it is confirmed that the Falcons have lost WR Julio Jones for the season, there will be no coming back from the 1-4 hole Atlanta has dug for itself. Mike Smith's unhealthy obsession with going for it on 4th and short over the last few seasons might end up costing him his job in the long run.

Picks We Both Lost (2)

• Colts (+1) 34, Seahawks 28 - Something had to give here. The Seahawks road woes over the years went up against Andrew Luck's 4th quarter comeback prowess and Indy wound up on top. Seattle had notched road wins over Carolina and Houston, who both now appear to be less than stellar overall. The Colts now own impressive wins against NFC West powerhouses San Francisco and Seattle. I'm liking the Colts AFC South title prediction much better now (Houston is helping me out a lot on that).
• Raiders (+4½) 27, Chargers 17 - In the Special Sunday Night Edition of Thursday Night Football, the worst title for a sports broadcast in the history of fucking sports, Terelle Pryor and the Raiders jumped out to a 17-0 lead and never looked back. The Chargers looked very un-Patriotic in turning the ball over five times on the night, but realistically it wont matter much in the long run considering how hot the Broncos and Chefs are.

Picks Dre Won Head to Head (5)

• Browns (-3½) 37, Bills 24 - This cover came down to a ridiculous brain fart on the Bills defense allowing Brandon Effin Weeden to convert a 3rd and 18 at around the 5 minute mark with the Browns up 3. Jeff Tool, I mean Tuel, he who couldn't have hit Tina Turner if he was Ike, managed to then cough up a pick six to completely blow the game open in the last minute. In this game, the only losers were those who watched the entire game, such as myself.
• Packers (-7) 22, Lions 9 - Allow me to submit my worthless MVP ballot for one Megatron Johnson. Much as I thought the year Peyton Manning was missing from the Colts, the subtraction of just one player turned a complete NFL roster into shit. The Packers tried desperately to let the Lions hang around in this game, but without Johnson, the Lions offense was completely neutered. ATS advice: no Calvin Johnson, no picky the Lions.
• Eagles (+1) 36, Giants 21 - It might be time for me to give up on the Giants rallying behind Tom Coughlin straight to the Super Bowl prediction. Might be.
• Broncos 51, Cowboys (+7½) 48 - Holy fuck! Sure Dre won the pick, but what on Earth does it take to beat the Broncos? Dallas showed us: a QB to go out of his mind enough to go score for score with that Bronco offense. Easier said than done. With one late patented Tony Romo Mistake™, the Broncos were able to put the game winning cherry on top of a game that had 99 points scored and saw Romo gunning for the all time single game passing record. Just wow.
• Niners (-6) 34, Texans 3 - Considering I had the Texans missing the playoffs this year, I'm starting to wonder what's taking me so long to come around to just how awful this team and Matt Schaub are right now.

Picks I Won Head to Head (4)

• Bengals (PICK) 13, Patriots 6 - Tom Brady is a GREAT bad weather quarterback, so don't let the rain excuse seep into this argument. Brady was simply frustrated and contained the entire day by a very game Bengal defense, especially that D-line. Any time you force Brady to complete only 47% of his passes for a (Dre will be so proud of me) 5.2 yard-per-attempt average, you deserve to win. Maybe Dre is on to something with these Bengals. They have the defense to make waves in January.
• That's So Ravens (+2½) 26, Dolphins 23 - Check out these 2013 Ravens:
• Get crushed by Denver
• Follow that up by barely beating the Browns in the first game in Baltimore after winning the Super Bowl. Get booed by home fans.
• Destroy the Texans
• Take all that regained swagger to Buffalo and promptly shit the bed
• So, of course, the Ravens would head to hot-shit Miami and lose, right? There's a reason why we have the saying "That's So Ravens!"
• Saints (PICK) 26, Bears 18 - The Saints are playing on another level right now, especially beyond that of a slightly better than average Bear squad. Drew Brees didn't care about never winning in Chicago. Now he's done it, so there's a great stat you wont have to hear any more.
• Rams (-11½) 34, Jaguars 20 - I'm OK picking the Texans as long as Dre keeps picking the Jags!

Dre 8-6
Jason 7-7

Also, kudos to Dre and I for nailing the Josh Freeman to the Vikings move. It's come up in the podcast and during the VIP AfterShow of the podcast. As President and Sole Member of the Josh Freeman Fan Club, I say good luck to Mr. Freeman in his new home away from the soon to be fired Greg Schiano.