- Games in no detail: Vikings-Bears (as the real Chicago QB returns, many others leave due to injury...not good), Raiders-Bengals (Oakland never had a chance), Bills-Colts (Jason was right about Indy stepping down in class and beating the lesser team), Seahawks-Dolphins (evenly played, but Seattle once again finds a way to lose on the road), Rams-Cardinals (I know Ryan Lindley threw for some significant yardage, but 4 picks?!), Panthers-Eagles (MLB's Phillies have won more recently than Eagles, and they're not winning soon because their secondary is playing at their worst).
- Here's a special bundle of Thanksgiving analysis by NFL.com's Michael Lombardi. I'm posting the story instead of breaking down the games because Lombardi said exactly what I would have said about each game. I'll add two small things: 1, I'm truly amazed at how many different ways Detroit can fuck things up for themselves. They remind me of me dating. And 2, you gotta find that footage of Mark Sanchez of the Jets running straight into the ass of his offensive lineman and fumbling the ball away for a Patriots TD. Jason was howling with laughter, he informed me. I was in transit so I didn't watch it live, but it's one of the funniest sports bloopers in years.
- I don't have a whole lot to say about that Steelers effort in Cleveland, but I wanted to take a few sentences to marvel at their bumbling. Eight turnovers??? Three Charlie Batch picks, which is bad enough, but then 5 fumbles??? Pittsburgh was playing Snoop Dogg Ball, dropping it like it's hawt, dropping it like it's hawt...I mean, you don't give yourself any opportunity to win a game when you refuse to protect the football like that. The Browns weren't any more determined than usual, but the Steelers were just awful as a team. Yeah, they miss Big Ben. The reason is because they were still within a TD of winning with that shitty effort, and Ben, after all that fumbling and bumbling, would still have found Mike Wallace or Plaxico deep and pulled the damn thing out at the end.
- We survived the Elvis Game, and I'll tell you, it wasn't easy. I don't know how many sacks Chad Henne was going to take on 3rd down, but somewhere along the way, the new Jaguars starting QB had it drilled into his noggin that he is not to heave the ball up under pressure and risk turning it over. So it was an exercise in holding your breath if you watched the Titans-Jags game, because Jacksonville was able to score on some early drives, but then Tennessee got pressure on 3rd down and put Henne on his ass with regularity. If Tennessee had a real offense to take advantage of the many possessions, they could have pulled out the win. But instead, Jake Locker and his unimpressive WRs came up short, and the offensive coordinator, Chris Palmer, was shown the door after the game. Don't know if the Titans let him come home on the team plane or not. I kinda like Jacksonville the rest of the way. They're definitely playing with more spirit, and they can--not will, but can--beat the bottom half of the league in a typical game, which wasn't true with Blaine Gabbert at QB.
- There were a couple of games that I lost by the margin of a gimme FG, which was somehow missed. In Kansas City, the Broncos played down to the competition and found themselves losing to the Chiefs, but KC kept stalling in the red zone and settling for FGs. So when Peyton Manning got his offense on track in the 2nd half, he still could have led them to a cover because the Chefs could only cook up 9 lousy points on the day. However, in the 3rd quarter, Matt Prater doinked a 33-yard FG off the upright. There's the spread. Good effort on the day from Kansas City, but they're no good. I'm not calling them a Mail-It-In, but it's gonna be hard to pick them the rest of the year. And one observation about Peyton: He tried a long bomb on play action and overthrew his guy by five yards and got picked off. His arm still isn't trustworthy on very long throws. Doesn't mean the Broncos can't win the title.
- Jason couldn't resist texting me when Atlanta beat Tampa by only 1 point, resulting in a push ATS. Who was the better team? You know, by my observation, they were pretty equal. I didn't win because the kicker fucked me in this one, too, as former Buc Matt Bryant hooked a 22-yarder before the half and missed another kick in the 4th. But if the Falcons were clearly better, I'd observe it, and neither team played championship defense as far as I'm concerned. Josh Freeman and the Buccaneers moved the ball decently. As long as Vincent Jackson stays in one piece, Freeman's got a hell of a target when his pocket breaks down. And Matt Ryan moved the ball fine when Tampa wasn't blitzing. That's probably the real indicator of TB's weakness: They can't pressure the QB unless they're sending extra men, and that weakens their league-worst pass defense. Hard to contend for a title like that. Speaking of targets, that Julio Jones guy? He's pretty good.
- What to say about the Baltimore-San Diego game...hmmm...yeah, I'm speechless. I'm absolutely speechless. No one can say that Baltimore was the better team in this one. No one can deny that 4th-and-29 late in the 4th quarter is a time for the defense to make the play and get off the field with a victory. And no one can deny that Norv Turner and the San Diego Chargers are the kings of finding ways to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. What a perfect, signature loss on Norv's watch. And what a perfect way for the Ravens to stick a middle finger to me and return my "Fuck you faggot Ravens" salute last week with a "Fuck you Dre a million times worse." I'm already calling the Ravens over the Steelers at home as my Lock of the Week no matter what the spread is. If the Ravens want to fuck me some more, they'll gag it up next week. Oh, and fuck you faggot Chargers.
- There's something even more impressive than Colin Kaepernick's performance to take from the San Francisco-New Orleans battle: It's the 49ers defense. Yeah, statistically they're near the top, so it's easy to tell that they're good. But Sunday was next level. Against the #1 passing game of all time from last year, they sat on Drew Brees's head and farted all day long. He had no room to breathe, and it usually wasn't from a blitz, it was mostly the front 3, 4 if you count Aldon Smith. And when Brees got the ball to one of his guys, that guy usually got the snot knocked out of him. The SF pass rush was just ferocious, and it's why Coach Insane can take a chance playing the younger but better player at QB in a championship window. If Kaepernick made mistakes, the defense is good enough to bail him out. And if he plays mostly mistake free, as he did Sunday, then they can march into the Superdome and beat the red-hot Saints by 10. Kaep won almost every busted play when NO broke into his pocket. I may have to consider the Niners as Super Bowl front-runners. How do you beat a team with a bunch of animals on defense and an athletic, intelligent leader at quarterback who can flat beat you even when you think you've beaten him?
- Sunday night was easy to break down. Eli Manning's arm looked fine to me, the Giants defense looked refreshed from the bye, and the Packers were kinda beaten before the game started. Some days, you're not gonna win no matter what. Green Bay likes to rally around beatings like this, so don't be surprised if they go on a run from here.
Week 12 Records--Dre 8-6-2, .571, Tout Service 2-1; Jay 6-8-2, .429, Tout Service 0-2-1
YTD Records--Dre 91-80-5, .532, Jay 85-86-5, .497
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