Week 12 ATS Recap: A Boy Named Suh

Let's get right to it. These short NFL weeks are driving me nuts.

• Packers (-6½) 27, Lions 15 - Both losers - The Ndamukong Suh sideshow overshadowed what was easily the Packers best defensive effort of the year. Matthew Stafford and his busted hand helped quite a bit too, but it seemed that the Lions were on to something with Kevin Smith until (spoiler alert!) Smith pulled up lame late in the first quarter. With no ground game, the Packers capitalized on Stafford's mistakes and coasted to an easy win. As for Suh, he just needs to get his shit under control and channel whatever is causing him to lose it into some positives for his team.


• Cowboys 20, Dolphins (+7) 19 - Jason winner, Dre loser - Go figure, this was the pick we differed on that I thought I'd lose. Miami is playing MUCH better ball over the last five weeks, and they should be competetive from here on out. After some first half Tony Romo brain farts, the Boys rebounded and eked out a last second win. I guess it's better to have those mental lapses early than late.


• Ravens (-3½) 16, Niners 6 - Dre winner, Jason loser - The popular consensus is that the 49er offense was exposed here. Since most teams can't bring the heat like a motivated Raven team can, I'll say that San Fran can still be a playoff threat. It will all come down to matchups for them in the postseason, perhaps more than for any team going into the playoffs. The Ravens showed what they can do when they put their minds to it, and the schedule makers have cursed the Ravens again with a dog team following a good team. Expect Cleveland to cover this weekend, and hell they might just win. Baltimore: don't kick it to Joshua Cribbs!


• Falcons (-9½) 24, Vikings 14 - Dre winner, Jason loser - Hey, Chris Owens, thanks for horse-collaring Percy Harvin at the 3 yard line on that 104 yard kickoff return and blowing my cover you fucknutt!


• Texans (-6½) 20, Jaguars 13 - Jason winner, Dre loser - Nice work, Jags. You're so awful that you lost to Matt Leinart AND T.J. Yates. If Yates had been knocked out too, would Gary Kubiak had suited up? Jacksonville promptly fired Jack Del Rio, who can now join David Garrard in early retirement. It's not about the money.


• Titans (-3) 23, Buccaneers 17 - Both winners - Welcome back, Chris Johnson!


• Cardinals (+1) 23, Rams 20 - Jason winner, Dre loser - My arm is hurting from patting myself on the back for calling this little nugget out during my and Dre's pick discussion last Saturday night: I said Patrick Peterson was due for another special teams TD and that would help propel Arizona to a win. I did NOT see Beanie Wells Sanduskying the Ram run D to the tune of 228 yards, however.


• Bengals 23, Browns (+7) 20 - Both losers - After two tough divisional losses, we expected Cincinnati to squoosh the Brownies, but Cincy seemed a little hungover, or punch drunk, after games against Pittsburgh and Baltimore. Andy Dalton found A.J. Green late down the field to set up a final minute field goal and send Cleveland home empty handed.


• Jets 28, Bills (+9½) 24 - Jason winner, Dre loser - How on Earth do the Jets get to give 9½ points to anyone? Yeah, I know the Bills are Brady Quinn Done, but that big a spread is given to complete teams. Yeah, yeah, the Jets scored 28 and Total Fraud threw 4 TD's. If this was LAST years Jet defense, this would have been an easy cover. Not this year.


• Panthers (-3½) 27, Colts 19 - Jason winner, Dre loser - I am proud to announce that I will NOT be the proud owner of Curtis Painter on my fantasy team, as he did not throw for 300 yards are Dre predicted he would. This would have been even more embarrassing considering that Painter has now been benched for Dan Freakin Orlovsky. The guy who took a 7 step drop on his own goal line for a safety. I'm still on my Peyton Manning for MVP push here.


• Redskins (+3) 23, Seahawks 17 - Both losers - Dre must hate this one as I pretty much dared him to take the Redskins this week. Oops.


• Raiders (-3) 25, Bears 20 - Both winners - I was fully prepared to take the Bears had Oakland been the favorite I expected them to be, say 5½ points or so as I told Dre. Oakland won by 5. Maybe I should set these lines for Vegas. Thanks for the gift, guys!


• Patriots (-3½) 38, Eagles 20 - Both winners - Speaking of gifts....the Pats only giving 3½ to the Dream Team? Just to toy with Philly, New England spotted the Eagles 10 early points, and then took over the game in the air and on the ground, and the rout was on.


• Broncos (+5½) 16, Chargers 13 (OT) - Dre winner, Jason loser - I'm gonna have to mail Dre his Tebow "Jesus" jersey. Dre held the reins of the Tebow bandwagon while I dove off head first. Something I overlooked: the Bronco defense, and how bad San Diego sucks. Just to keep the hype alive, Jesus gets to go to Minnesota this week. Does Denver play any good teams anymore?


• Steelers 13, Chiefs (+10½) 9 - Both losers - The Steelers need to send Tyler Palko either a big thank you card, or a game ball, or both, because the KC defense came to play on Sunday night. It was tough to watch too, because you knew their efforts were in vain, as KC's offense couldn't get anything going, and Tyler Palko might mean "Curtis Painter" in another language. Just brutal to watch.


• Saints (-7) 49, Giants 24 - Both losers - Our primetime suck continued, and I even had the Giants to win. They let New Orleans abuse them in every facet of the game, and who do the G-Men get this week? The Packers? Oh, shit.

There's a game tomorrow night already? And it's a shitty matchup? Just great.