Down the Dark Path: Sports Video Games

I grew up in the age of Atari and Nintendo (back when the NES Classic Console was just called Nintendo), so video gaming has been a large part of my life. Games serve as a substitute for real ability, so when I take the Cubs to the World Series or the Texans to multiple Super Bowls (with Marshall Faulk as my running back), there is a sense of pride and accomplishment. Dre takes that to the Nth degree, playing games on the real MLB, NFL, and NBA schedules. We even have home-made heroes in the players that the game literally makes up out of thin air.

But in the past few years, with ultra-realism becoming the standard of sports gaming franchises, something seems to missing. The players in the sandbox of the sports league they occupy inhabit a utopian society with no ills, hardships, or stupidity. Here's a few things that can be added to these games to make them the ultimate sports gaming experience:

• Crime & Punishment - Key Attribute: Character - You hear about it every year, the can't miss prospect with the checkered past. He slips down a draft board even though his skill set is unmatched at his position. Let's introduce the Character attribute. Low character makes it more likely that your player will be involved in some sort of conduct detrimental to the league he's in. The randomness of games allows for a multitude of crazy scenarios. But imagine your star quarterback is accused of rape in the offseason, or your star safety solicits a prostitute the night before Super Bowl....oh crap, those things really happened. Let's say your player is involved in high stakes moose fighting, or runs down hookers in his H3, or shoots his limo driver...crap that last one happened too. See, the realism and the randomness of the act makes the stakes of your fictional franchise that much higher. Better get all the production out of these digital avatars while you can, cuz one of them might snap!

• The Juice - Key Attribute: Integrity - Forget traning camp or batting practice to bolster your stats, let your player go after the high risk/high reward thrill of being juiced. Sure there is a risk of being caught, but imagine taking a lowly .240 hitting third baseman who never hit more than 16 homers for your franchise and turning him into a 50+ homer superstar (while still maintaining the .240 average). Every day, you run the risk of being caught. Maybe your star player will get called before congress, which would be a separate mini-game. Your choices could be: 1) Lie outright 2) Bill Clinton fingerwag denial 3) Forget how to speak English 4) Not talk about the past 5) Read a prepared statement 6) Admit that you cheated, but only to rebound from injury 7) Claim you thought it was Flaxseed oil......the possibilities are endless.

• Ridiculous Injuries - Key Attribute: Clumsiness - Want your best pitcher to miss games because he got carpal tunnel from emailing too much, or maybe your punter misses time because he chopped into his leg with an axe in the locker room, or your star QB gets into a freak motorcycle accident....sure you don't WANT that happen. But imagine right before the game you get this message : YOUR STARTING RB WAS GORED RUNNING WITH THE BULLS THIS OFFSEASON, HE WILL MISS 8-12 WEEKS RECOVERING. You'd be all like WTF!! but then you'd be like "wow, this game is pretty cool."

• Death - Key Attribute: There is no stat for when the reaper comes calling - We see it every season or so, a player in some sports league just ups and dies. It happens. They eat bullets, get lost at sea, fly their planes into buildings, get killed by drunks. It's a sad reminder that even jacked and juiced up millionaires are mortal. Let their digital representatives suffer the same fate. The death could either inspire the team, or destroy it. Imagine all your NFL guys wearing the decal of the dead player, so for the whole season you are reminded of your fictional loss. Would you play harder for the fallen teammate? You bet your ass you would.

• Sex - Key Attribute: Integrity (again) and Marital Status - Maybe the juice isn't your weakness, maybe it's the ladies. Maybe your players are Derek Jeter, unmarried and free to woo the ladies. Maybe they are Tiger Woods.....

• Locker Room Cancers - Key Attribute: Douchebaggery - What better way to splinter your franchise than to have a seemingly productive player become a cancer on the team. Maybe your star pitcher just turns into a diva, or your star wideout, or your center. Their actions destroy the valuable Chemistry attribute and suddenly team performance is affected. What to do with the cancer? Placate them or bench them, maybe even cut them. Watch the teams chemistry ebb and flow over a long season due to your handling of the locker room.

There's just some suggestions. Sure, no sports union would ever allow the seedier side of life to enter the digital realm, but it sure would be fun.