2011 Week 1: What I Learned

• I wish I knew which teams would come out of the gate ready to roll and which ones were #asleepattheweheel, as I described it on Twitter.
• Both the Packers and the Saints came out of the gate, or at least their offenses did.  Not much to break down here.  New Orleans has a stacked offense.  Green Bay has a stacked offense.  Advantage Green Bay, this time.
• Here you go, Falcons, your big showing to prove to the world that you're ready to ascend to the next level this season...and cue the Price Is Right FAIL music.  The Atlanta secondary just was not ready for the Mike Martz Offense.  The D-line pressured Jay Cutler and smacked him around a bit, but once he got just a little bit of time, he slung the pill to his receivers, who were actually where they were supposed to be.  And that little bit of protection will prove successful for the Bears most of the time, because the defense is awesome as always.  Chicago as a collective is just about as good as I can remember a unit at forcing turnovers.  They're the foundation.  The O-line is the big question.
• Jason gets to crow about having the better record than me this week.  But I get to crow about how dead wrong he was about the Colts vs. Texans matchup and how on the money I was.  This was no contest.  I don't know quite how good Houston is, but I feel even more confident about Indianapolis going nowhere trying to run a retired graybeard QB out there to replace Peyton Manning.  Put the Colts on ice for this year.
• Elvis lives!  The trap game of the week was AFC West champs Kansas City hosting the 4-12 Bills, and damn it, the Bills looked like the division champs out there.  Buffalo TE Scott Chandler announced his candidacy for league MVP, and before you know it, the Chiefs folded and gave up.  That's two home games in a row they've done that, counting the playoff game last year against Baltimore.  Kids, that ain't a good trend.
• Hmmm, maybe all ain't forgiven for Chris Johnson.  The Tennessee RB was AWOL for most of the Titans-Jags tilt, finishing with a grand total of 24 yards rushing.  This game provided the funniest moment of Week 1 for me.  Jaguars QB Luke McCown, obviously feeling proud of himself for not completely stinking, scrambled for a 1st down midway through the 3rd quarter and got up pointing demonstrably towards the Titans, signalling his triumphant 1st-down run.  One problem:  It wasn't a 1st-down run, and on the next play, McCown fumbled the ball away.  So how did the Jags manage to win?  Tennessee can't tackle, and Matt Hasselbeck can't move.  The Titans had many plays stopped for less yards than they wound up gaining, but couldn't wrap up and complete the tackle.  And new Titans QB Hasselbeck ended many drives all by himself by not being able to move out of the pocket and avoid the rush and create a play for his team.  Tennessee is in deep doo-doo if Johnson doesn't regain his form quickly.
• The Browns and the Bengals--two teams that aren't very good but went toe-to-toe for four quarters Sunday, until Cincinnati caught Cleveland's D sleeping and scored the go-ahead TD on a quick snap.  I'm not sure if Cincy was the better team, but they sure made the key play when it was needed.  We'll see if the Brownies can rebound, but they didn't look like a team you want to bet on very much in the near future.
• I said that the Rams weren't necessarily way out of their league as they got ready to play the Eagles.  I got the pick right, but I was wrong about the Rams being ready to match up with Philly.  St. Louis was completely outclassed.  The Eagles are fucking scary, man.  Look one way and you miss Michael Vick pulling out his video-game act and scrambling for big gains.  Look another way and you miss LeSean McCoy cutting and sprinting and making himself a dangerous weapon.  DeSean Jackson, Asante Samuel, Nnamdi Asomugha...Philadelphia is must-see TV, and next Sunday night, they may set some kind of ratings record when they travel to Atlanta for Michael Vick's first game there since his canine problems.  Whoa, doggy.
• Indeed, as Jason said, the Baltimore Ravens rose up like Michael and Scottie and the early '90s Chicago Bulls and put the Pittsburgh Steelers into a basket support.  A couple of things the Steelers will remember from this ass-kicking:  The Ravens trying out a fake extra point already up 27-7 and scoring two, and the crackback block someone threw Hines Ward when the game was out of control.  It's about time someone wiped out Ward when he wasn't looking, since that's his specialty, but Pittsburgh will remember it.  I think the main point to take from this game is that Green Bay showed the world how to beat the most physical defense in the NFL during the Super Bowl, which is to keep throwing at the secondary, and if everyone else can pull it off, the Steel Curtain may be ready to close.
• Week 15 last year:  Tampa Bay allows 433 yards of total offense to the Detroit Lions at home in a big loss that ultimately helped sink their playoff chances.  This past Sunday:  Tampa Bay allows 431 yards of total offense to the Detroit Lions at home in a big loss that opens their 2011 campaign in a very smelly fashion.  Goddamn, that Bucs defense stinks!  Matthew Stafford cramped up after every single throw he made, and he still went for 300 yards in the air.  I don't want to hear one more fucking thing about the Buccaneers being the pick to step into the playoffs after missing out last year until they show some improvement on the defensive side of the ball.  And no, one Aqib Talib pick-6 isn't good enough.
• How did the Chargers not cover giving nine points against Minnesota with the Vikings QB throwing for 39 yards?  Easy.  They gave up yet another special teams TD, right off the bat on the opening kickoff to Percy Harvin.  Take that one miscue away, and they wind up covering the number.  No change for San Diego's prognosis--fix the fucking special teams and have much better success.  As for Donovan McNabb, I've got three possible explanations for that pathetic performance.  1, he was facing last year's #1 defense.  2, he's short on weapons in his receiving corps.  3, he blows.  I can't decide which has more weight after one game.  I have a feeling we will all see what's real and what isn't after several more games.
• Rex Grossman will get each and every one of his receivers killed before the season is over with his high throws into traffic.  But the New York Giants let him get away with it this time, and the Washington Redskins opened up with a big win.  Same old Rex--high risk throws with big payoffs if they work.  He's consistent, I'll give him that.  The Giants were the best team on the field for three quarters.  It wasn't good enough, and therefore, they didn't deserve the win.
• Speaking of having the best team on the field and still losing, Carolina outplayed Arizona for most of their shootout.  I was tickled by the Cardinals using a stand-up defense at the line of scrimmage, trying to confuse the rookie QB Cam Newton, and watching Newton throw over the top to wide-open receivers.  Who's confused?  Not Cam, apparently.  And yet the Panthers couldn't finish the job because their new coach Ron Rivera couldn't stop sending jailbreak blitzes, and ultimately Larry Fitzgerald and Early Doucet burned the Carolina secondary and built confidence for Cards QB Kevin Kolb.  Arizona's rookie CB Patrick Peterson was exposed all day in coverage, but he came through with the punt return that won the game and gave Jason a cheap half-point cover.  Better to be lucky than good.
• 428 yards of total offense.  That's not one team in the Seattle-San Francisco showdown.  That's both combined.  Anyone who watched this game wanted to pour bleach into their eyes, I'm sure.  And thanks to Ted Ginn Jr. on special teams, we earned a cover.  Of the eight games Jason and I agreed on, this was one of the two that we won.  We'll quietly take it and just move on from there.
• In a scintillating battle of Which QB Will Fuck Up Worse?, Mark Sanchez and the Jets held on to beat Tony Romo and the Cowboys.  Yes, Dallas covered, but on that last INT thrown by Romo to Darrelle Revis, he only had one guy to beat and he would have ran down the sideline into the end zone.  So I consider this a lucky win for Jason as well.  Romo gave the game away, plain and simple, and it was only one shove to Revis out of bounds that saved the game from being a 7-point win for New York instead of a 3-point win.  But the game was entertaining for those of us who like watching overhyped players crash and burn before our very eyes.  Sanchez was having a decent game, too, before he started making mental errors.  But Romo retained his crown as king of all fuck-ups.  Well done, Tony.  Jessica Simpson is laughing somewhere.
• And congrats to the Miami Dolphins as well!  A new offensive coordinator put together some well-designed plays for Chad Henne and his crew, and they marched up and down the field.  They should be very proud of their aggressive passing game and newfound confidence...um, wait a sec...New England just scored again...
• And in the Monday night finale, here's one where Jason totally deserved the win.  It would have been a shame if Denver came back and beat Oakland, because the Raiders owned the Broncos.  They dominated at the line of scrimmage, and they showed that even with Hue Jackson as coach, they can continue to run the ball down your throat.  And to the fans chanting for Tim Tebow even though Denver QB Kyle Orton threw for 304 yards, I can only say this:  Did you SEE Tebow trying to play quarterback in the preseason?!?!?

Week 1 Records--Dre 5-11, .313; Jay 7-9, .438