2011 Week #1

It's time for the first week of real football!  And Jason and I are ready to duel right off the bat.  We disagree on seven picks, not counting my Thursday night win.  Now, on to the picks:

Fav

Spread

Dog

Dre

Jay

		Thu. Nite
GB	4	NO	GB 42-34		GB	NO
		Sunday
Atl	1	CHI			Atl	Atl
HOU	9	Ind			Hou	Ind
KC	5½	Buf			KC	KC
JACK	1	Tenn			Tenn	Tenn
CLE	6½	Cin			Cle	Cin
Phi	4	STL			Phi	StL
BAL	1	Pit			Pit	Bal
TB	1	Det			TB	TB
SD	9	Min			SD	SD
NYG	2½	WASH			NY	NY
ARIZ	6½	Car			Car	Ariz
SF	5½	Sea			SF	SF
		Sun. Nite
NYJ	5½	Dal			NY	Dal
		Mon. Nite
NE	6½	MIA			NE	NE
DEN	3	Oak			Den	Oak

Some of our thoughts and observations included:

• One thing we both agree on is that if the Falcons would like to announce their presence this season with authority, it would be nice to walk into Soldier Field and hand the Bears an opening day loss.  I see a physical battle with neither team able to do much rushing, leaving it up to Matty Ice and the Atlanta air attack against Jay Cutler and his much inferior receiving corps.  Will Ray Edwards and John Abraham rack up multiple sacks in their first game together?  It shouldn't surprise anyone if it happens.
• And now, on to our most heated debate of the week.  For some strange reason, Jason likes Indy to not just cover nine points at Houston...he like them TO WIN!  He rambled on about the TV as motivation and how everyone was screaming that the Colts have no chance this week or this season without Peyton Manning and how if the Colts have any pride, they will crush the Texans, and how could the media hand the AFC South title to Houston before a game is played, and give Manning the MVP if he doesn't play and Indy does fall off to four or five wins, and blah blah blah...look, this is the Lock of the Week.  It's Houston's highly ranked offensive attack against a QB who was retired before the Colts called him on his old rotary phone and asked him to ride his Rascal scooter into Indiana and save them from the spectre of Curtis Painter.  It's Kerry Collins!  I understand the Colts should be fired up, I understand the Texans haven't earned any respect yet, but my God, it's Kerry Fucking Collins!  His beard is weird!  His stache is trash!  His stubble's in trouble!  He was chillin' in the exact same rocking chair as Randy Johnson, and now he's supposed to get up and take the Colts into Texas and lead them to a win, as if not having Peyton Manning ain't that big of a deal?  Jason is all set to give me a ring the moment this one goes final if somehow Indianapolis is on top.  I'm guaranteeing, I won't be getting that phone call.
• On to our first Elvis Game of the year, the Bills getting 5½ against that sad Kansas City outfit.  I explained the concept of the Elvis Game last year, but for those new readers (lol), here it is again.  This is a game that appears to be such an easy pick by me and Jason that in deference to our overconfidence, we declare that it must be a trap game, that Vegas must know something we don't to make such a seemingly lopsided line.  Jason then refers to an Elvis song called "Suspicious Minds" which contains the lyric, "We're caught in a trap."  Thus, the Elvis Game.  I think this one is a trap because as sad as Kansas City is, they're equipped with maybe the most dynamic rushing attack in the league, and they're facing last year's worst rush defense.  So even if Matt Cassel can't establish a connection with Dwayne Bowe, the Chefs should steamroll the Bills on the ground and win by a couple of TDs.  Right?  Right??
• Speaking of sad outfits, Jason has a scientific term to refer to what the Jacksonville Jaguars are:  "Out Of Their Fucking Minds."  Cutting their starting QB, David Garrard, the week before the season starts, and then declaring that it wasn't about the money, even though they saved $9M by doing so and installed a much inferior QB in Luke McCown?  It could only be about the money, and anyone with a brain knows this.  So I'll have to concur with Jason, the Jags are indeed Out Of Their Fucking Minds.  What the move also did was put all of the focus on RB Maurice Jones-Drew, who is the only weapon on offense until McCown proves himself able to do anything with the passing game.  Jones-Drew should get smothered every single game because defenses don't have to respect anyone else.  Jason declares the Jags Cincy Done, as in they're totally hopeless for this season.  Andrew Luck Sweepstakes, perhaps?  Oh, as for this game, welcome back, Chris Johnson.  All is forgiven.
• Jason had to swallow his pride and take the Bungles to cover the number this week, however.  He's stunned at the concept of the Cleveland Browns giving 6½ to anyone.  I'm also surprised, but because they're playing Cincinnati, and because a 7-0 final is possible and would cover the spread, I'm forced to go with the Brownies.  Guess I love the under.
• The media Upset Special this week is taking the Rams at home against the Dream Team; Jason has the Rams straight up, too. But just like when people jumped on any opponent of the Miami Heat last year to pull off the upset, I don't see a whole lot of rational thinking in the pick but rather a lot of emotion and hoping that the favorite gets smacked in the mouth.  That's certainly not to say that the Eagles are infallible or that the Rams are way, way out of their league.  But what I see when looking at this matchup is St. Louis in their first game with a new offensive coordinator, an aggressive defensive line that will try to get after Michael Vick and probably wind up running right past him several times, and an early-season Vick, unhurt, healthy, fresh and ready to rumble.  I'll be right there to call the Philly collapse when they start to show signs of decline.  But not on the very first day.
• Can anyone possibly predict a score for Steelers-Ravens other than 13-10?  Doesn't it seem like every one of their games ends in that very score?  What a physically punishing way to start your season for both teams.  They can't be happy having to do battle against each other right out of the box.  Jason is going with his Super Bowl pick, the Ravens.  I'll wait until Joe Flacco establishes that he knows what to do with his new speed receiver, Lee Evans, before declaring the Baltimore offense new and improved.  Jason has declared the Ravens as ready to "Scottie" the Steelers, as in when the Chicago Bulls finally stood up to their oppressors, the Detroit Pistons, who had been pummeling the Bulls for years in the late 1980s by doing such things as running Scottie Pippen's head into the stanchion underneath the basket.  When the Bulls were ready, they stepped on Detroit's head and ascended into the heavens.  I don't think Ben Roethlisberger is quite ready to have his head stepped on yet.
• Despite not believing in the Buccaneers being ready to step into a playoff run, I'll go with Jason this week and take them over the ultra-hyped Detroit Lions.  Tampa should be pumped to exact some revenge on Detroit for coming into Florida last year and running up over 400 yards of offense in beating the Bucs and killing their playoff dream.  Besides, Jason thinks it's about time for Lions QB Matthew Stafford to become the first player to injure himself tripping over the TV network's imaginary first-down yellow line.  Hell, the China Doll has hurt himself in almost every other way.
• OK, San Diego.  The league has attempted to legislate out of the game the only area where you failed last season, the special teams return.  Time for you to make your move.  Stay classy, San Diego.  You get to host Donovan McNabb and a bad Minnesota passing game.  Contain Adrian Peterson, and you should come out of it just fine.  Good luck, and Godspeed.
• McNabb's old boss, Mike Shanahan, opens his 2nd season in Washington hosting the New York Giants, and we hate Shanny so much that we're going with the Giants despite them losing half the roster to injury before the damn season begins.  I'll point out once again how absurd the Shanahan Boys harping on McNabb and the passing game was.  Take the four most important phases of the game--running, stopping the run, passing, stopping the pass.  What do you think the Redskins were best at last year?  Yep, that horrible, horrible passing game.  They were in the top 10 when McNabb was first benched, and they finished the season 8th.  They were 30th rushing, 26th stopping the run, and 31st stopping the pass.  Yep, it was all McNabb's fault.  And Obama.  Good luck, Rex Grossman.  You're gonna need it.
• No reason why I'm taking the Panthers to stay within 6½ of Arizona.  Carolina sends a rookie QB and head coach in their debuts on the road, and that seems like one has to go with the favorite in that scenario, as Jason is doing.  Cam Newton may throw for less yards than DeAngelo Williams runs, but I'll still take Carolina to cover.  I'm that unimpressed with the Cardinals.
• And speaking of unimpressed, when thinking of the Seattle Seahawks, think of two words:  Tarvaris.  Jackson.  We'll take the 49ers.  Squoosh.
• In the Sunday night special, it's maybe the two most hated teams in the league, although the Eagles have to fit in there somewhere.  It's a Cowboys and the Jets, led by two loudmouth brothers who (ok, Bart Scott, say it now) can't wait to tell you how good their respective no-championships-since-who-knows-when teams are.  Jason will take Dallas to cover that number now that Tony Romo's back in the saddle and Mark Sanchez is still at the helm for the Jets.  I'll actually pick Rex Ryan to have his troops better prepared than Rob.  Dallas hasn't been very successful in prime time lately.  Neither have the Jets, actually, but they're at home, the D will be amped up for the heralded Dallas aerial show, and some key players for Dallas are already dinged up, such as the starting right tackle and Miles Austin, the stud WR.  It feels like a big win in store for Gang Green.
• Monday night action gets started with the Patriots coming off that stinging defeat at the hands of the Jets in the playoffs visiting a Dolphins team that managed one home win last year.  Not sure how that happened, but most of the same players are still there in Miami, including the much-maligned coach Tony Sparano and QB Chad Henne.  Yuck.  The running games should cancel each other out, leaving the outcome up to Henne vs. Tom Brady.  And that's why we both have New England, squoosh.
• The late Monday game should be real fun.  It's an AFC West rivalry game, and those are usually quite nasty.  No one likes the Raiders, but the Broncos seem to have some extra spice when they play.  The known entities in this one are the Denver pass offense and the Oakland run offense.  The variable is the Denver defense, because they were ungodly bad last year but are under new management with some key additions.  Jason thinks the Broncos D will tear like a wimpy garbage bag against the Raiders mauling rushing attack.  I'll hope that the Hefty bag will be a more apt description for the Broncs and pick Denver.  Like Kansas City in the Monday nightcap last year, I think an already great fan base will be extra crazy in the late-night atmosphere and create a frenzied scene for their home team to feed off.