Week 2 Reactions: Reasons For Pessimism

I'm skipping my ATS recap this week in favor of sharing some of my pessimism with the rest of you. After suffering through one of my worst weeks EVAH, it's clear that I don't know shit about the current state of the NFL when it comes to picking games ATS, so recapping futility is, well, futile. So here is a reason for every team in the NFL to be pessimistic about their chances to have a good season:

• Redskins - Bad Rex Grossman is bound to show up any minute.


• Cowboys - Romo's injury woes continue.


• Eagles - Your starting quarterback excels at two things: amazing playmaking ability and getting hurt. Your backup QB excels at the exact same two things.


• Giants - Brutal schedule and the injuries are a worry.


• Packers - Giving up 400 yards passing to Drew Brees is one thing, to Cam Newton....?


• Lions - Season rides on the health of White Mike Vick.


• Bears - Jay Cutler sees more sacks than a gay porn star. Fans clamoring for Caleb Hanie may get what they wish for, and deserve.


• Vikings - McNabb shows up to play but the defense blows a 17 point lead. In that division, you're fucked.


• Saints - Nice rebound against the Bears, secondary and running game need a LOT of work.


• Falcons - The KTFO strategy against Vick (Knocked the Fuck Out) worked, but for three quarters, you were staring 0-2 in the face. Offense looks great on paper, but slow and plodding on the field.


• Bucs - Defense, defense, defense. You don't get to play Donovan McNabb every week.


• Panthers - Cam Newton will show off brilliance and look completely lost at times almost every week. Gonna be a crazy ride.


• Niners - You lost to a guy with a broken rib AND a collapsed lung. AT HOME.


• Cardinals - Should be 0-2, offense is moving forward, defense stinks.


• Seahawks - Still the same two words: Tavaris. Jackson.


• Rams - Another team with a simply brutal schedule. Might be the best 5-11 team ever.


• Patriots - Keep 12 upright, and you'll be fine. Hard to have pessimism about that offense.


• Bills - 2-0 is nice, about to be 2-1.


• Jets - You should make the playoffs and then watch Mark Sanchez hold you back from the promised land again.


• Dolphins - Remember when people thought you had a good defense, like two weeks ago?


• Ravens - Playing to the level of your competition means you'll be playing a lot of road games come playoff time. Nobody to blame but yourselves.


• Steelers - You'll crush the weak and struggle against the strong, not a recipe for long term success.


• Browns - The only time I can see the Browns going to the Super Bowl is when I take a shit.


• Bengals - The future is bright. Technically 2042 is the future.


• Texans - It's one thing to be the media pick to FINALLY burst onto the scene. It's another to live it. Step up, Houstons.


• Titans - Enjoy that sneaky win against Baltimore. You still stink.


• Jaguars - Luke McCown gives you the best chance to win. It's not about money.


• Colts - Looks like the Andrew Luck sweepstakes really is on. Too bad there's another midwestern team that's throwing in the towel even worse than you are.


• Raiders - Enjoy being the hardest team to read all season long.


• Chargers - Despite the league trying to legislate special teams out of the game, you still have to play them.


• Broncos - The Chicago Syndrome will plague you all season, where the fan base spends more time pining for the backup (or third-string) QB.


• Chiefs - Lost your best defensive and offensive player in back to back games. My suspicion is that Jamaal Charles tore his ACL on purpose not the be on this shitbag of a team. Minus 79 point differential in two weeks AND playing a first place schedule? This team has historically bad written all over it.

My one reason for optimism: only being 4 games down after getting debacled this week. Thanks for letting me share my shitty week with all of you.