Some of the picks, and teams performances, this week reminded me of this classic Tom & Jerry cartoon. For background, Tom & Jerry is the greatest cartoon of all time. OK, now that that is out of the way, let's break it down.
We already have our Fed-Ex Mail-it-in Team of 2010, but I now add a new tier of teams, the "White Mouse" teams. In the cartoon, Tom is deathly afriad of the white mouse, because it is basically a bomb waiting to explode upon any hard contact. Tom spends the whole episode trying to prevent harm to the mouse, while at the same time Jerry is pretending to be the white mouse. Then comes on the radio announcer, telling us "The White Mouse will not explode." Tom then kicks the mouse with much glee, and we are treated to a painfully long string of cartoon explosions that look to have turned the city into Hiroshima. The broken radio announces once again "We repeat, the white mouse will not explode." Tom, broken and burned, emerges from the rubble to announce "DON'T YOU BELIEVE IT!" The mouse has to explode for the lesson to be learned.
We've been watching these "White Mouse" teams unravel slowly over the season. This week, they blew up. There's three. Can you name them ahead of time?
- Falcons 26, Ravens 21 (Thursday Night) - Dre winner, Jason loser - This might be the best prime time game I've ever seen the Dirty Birds play. As a long time Falcon fan, I'm used to wasted efforts and lost opportunities any time the prime time spotlight shone on my team. Matt Ryan played a virtually flawless game, all the more impressive considering he had to overcome his receivers coming down with a bad case of the Dropsies in the 4th quarter. Roddy White atoned for a critical drop by pushing his defender over and walking into the end zone with the game winning score. Props to Atlanta to establishing themselves as serious NFC title contenders. Teams will not want to see the Falcons end up with home field in the playoffs, that's for certain.
- Bills 14, Lions 12 - Dre winner, Jason loser - Nice one point cover Dre. Other than that, I got nothin.
- Jets 26, Browns 20 - Both winners - Nice tacking Cleveland. You saved us from a push!
- Buccaneers 31, Panthers 16 - Both winners - I finally have a read on this Tampa team. They're good enough to beat bad teams, and just not quite good enough to beat the upper echelon teams. In the NFC, however, that should be enough for 9 or 10 wins and a playoff berth. The Bucs schedule gets increasingly difficult the next several weeks, so their pretender/contender status will become apparent. To this point, Josh Freeman looks like the real deal and just keeps making me feel smarter every week.
- Colts 23, Bengals 17 - Both losers - The Bengals play one quarter of football every week, that being the 4th quarter. This week, it was enough to squeak in under the spread. Other than that, the Bengals were shit.
- Dolphins 29, Titans 17 - Both losers - The Zombie Quarterback Apocalypse is upon us! By the end of this game, Miami had lost it's top two QBs to injury, most likely for the season, and Vince Young once again couldn't make it through a whole game. Those of you who wanted to see Tyler Thigpen and Kerry Collins duke it out, this one was for you. In other news, Randy Moss is tired. Whether it's his body or his act is yet to be determined.
- Bears 27, Vikings 13 - Both winners - Ah, the Vikings, "White Mouse" Team No. 1 of the week. After looking dead most of the season, the Vikes gutted out a furious comeback last week against Arizona. Just when things looked well, and they could finally kick that white mouse, things went BOOM. The Vikings, Brad Childress, and Brett Favre are done. Will the Vikings come back and make the playoffs: "Don't you believe it!"
- Jaguars 31, Texans 24 -Jason winner, Dre loser - The Texans are the epitome of a "White Mouse" team. Every year it's the same garbage: the Texans are the AFC sleeper team that will make the playoffs. They even lived up to the billing for a short time, upsetting the Colts and looking like this might....just.....be.....the......year. But Jacksonville, and a fluke hail mary sent the Texans into "White Mouse" territory.
- Broncos 49, Chiefs 29 - Jason winner, Dre loser - Can a 5-3 team qualify as a "White Mouse?" You bet, when it's the nuclear meltdown that the Kansas City Chiefs have become. Since hanging tough with the Colts (and losing), the Chiefs have lost two divisional matchups, vaulting the Raiders into first place (holding back the puke). Maybe I'm being premature with this, but the white mouse just exploded for the Chiefs.
- 49ers 23, Rams 20 (OT) - Dre winner, Jason loser - Yes, I lost the pick, but I have something to say about Troy Smith. Remember back in the day, when quarterbacks were drafted and left to sit and hold clipboards and learn the nuances of their position, so that when the time came to play, they were ready and not deers in the headlights? There's something to be said about that, let us enter into evidence the play of Troy Smith.
- Seahawks 36, Cardinals 18 - Both losers - Dammit Seattle, you're fucking up my dreams of getting the 7-9 Niners into the playoffs.
- Cowboys 33, Giants 20 - Jason winner, Dre loser - The Cowboys "White Mouse" moment came a few weeks ago against Jacksonville. The Packer loss was just the watershed moment that showed us all that Wade Phillips had to go. But what Cowboys team was that against the Giants? Was that the same 1-7 team we'd come to deride and laugh at? Here's my conspiracy theory: maybe it wasn't the players undermining Wade Phillips, maybe it was Jason Garrett (cue dramatic music and lightning flashes)?
- Patriots 39, Steelers 26 - Both winners - I did expand upon my "why not" response as to why the Patriots would win: I think the Steelers are overrated. Without even pretending to try to run the ball, Tom Brady picked the Steelers apart all night long, finding Rob Gronkowski three times for scores. Gronkowski was one of my fantasy sleepers coming into the season, so I drafted him with a VERY late pick in my fantasy draft. Am I a genius? Ummmm no, I cut him several weeks back. D'oh!
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