In Much Less Detail: Week 12 ATS Recap: The Return of Robocop

A coworker of mine was reminiscing about the worst thing he ever saw in Pro Wrestling. It involved Robocop saving Sting from a "steel" cage during a pay per view card. I try to avoid wrestling as much as I can, but much like Al Pacino in "Godfather III," every time I think I'm away from wrestling, it pulls me back in. It doesn't help that many of my closest friends over my lifetime are big wrestling fans. So when I asked Dre about the "Return of Robocop," which of course he has on tape (?!?!?!), he pointed out that an entire PPV was framed around the appearance of Robocop, who spent all of roughly three minutes on screen. So, in other words, all our week 12 NFL games only had three less minutes of Robocop than an entire Robocop-themed wrestling card.

Thanksgiving Games

Patriots 45, Lions 24 - Both winners - Much like our favorite Robocop baddie, Clarence Boddicker, the Lions kicked ass early but succumed to the Patriots late. Maybe they realized they were doomed to be forever known as the dad from "That 70s Show." This post now has more to do with "Robocop" than the freaking "Return of Robocop!" Robocop was based in Detroit, by the way. How fitting!

Saints 30, Cowboys 27 - Both losers - Live by the hook, die by the hook. The Saints spent most of the game rolling the overmatched Cowboys. That is until the Pokes revealed their secret weapon: No it's not Robocop, it was Reggie Freaking Bush. Bush decided to show off all six weeks of rust from an injury in about a minute span of the game that resulted in two fumbles and allowed the Cowboys back into the game.

Brad Smith 26, Bengals 10 - Both losers - After getting screwed by a hook, the Bengals decided to lay an egg and allow Brad Smith to explode on two long scoring plays. At least the Thanksgiving dinner was good.

Sunday and Monday Games

Vikings 17, Redskins 13 - Jason winner, Dre loser - Looks like Jason Garrett Syndrome is contagious!

Steelers 19, Bills 16 (OT) - Both winners - Steve Johnson must have thought the deep ball from Ryan Fitzpatrick that would have won the game was laced with toxic waste or something. Oh shit, that happened in "Robocop" too, minus the football.

Browns 24, Panthers 23 - Both winners - Jake Delhomme threw a pick-6 to let Carolina back in the game. In other news: water is wet, the sky is blue, and a former drill sargeant makes a terrible therapist. Jake Delhomme = Jackwagon.

Texans 20, Titans 0 - Both winners - A guy I worked with asked for a lock of the week for a friendly wager. I produced the Houston Texans.

Giants 24, Jaguars 20 - Both winners - Yes, the Giants won, but they continue to play poorly at home.

Falcons 20, Packers 17 - Dre winner, Jason loser - Hard to say I'm a loser on this one, since my Falcons improved to 9-2 and have an inside track on home field before them. The Packers showed a lot of heart, but the thing they lack Atlanta has in spades: balance. After watching the Dirty Birds win late and win often, was there any doubt Matt Ryan would get them the 20 yards they needed for a winning FG? I keep saying it, nobody in the NFC wants the road to the Super Bowl to run through Atlanta.

Chefs 42, Seahawks 24 - Dre winner, Jason loser - Matt Cassel found Dwayne Bowe three times for touchdowns, and the Chiefs are trying to hang on to their division lead. It might not be enough to hold off the Chargers, but at least the Chiefs aren't going out like dogs. Yet.

Dolphins 33, Raiders 17 - Both losers - What a difference an NFL quarterback makes. Apparently, 75% of Chad Henne is way more than 100% of Tyler Thigpen. It also hopes that Tom Cable's quarterback carousel imploded this week. My guess is we'll be seeing Jason Campbell again soon.

Ravens 17, Buccaneers 10 - Jason winner, Dre loser - Live by the hook, die by the hook. Thank you, Josh Freeman! Garbage time FTW!

Bears 31, Eagles 26 - Both losers - Are the Bears lucky? Sure. Let any team rack up some lucky wins and their confidence grows. That didn't look like the same Bears team that started the season, and these words hurt to say: the Bears have made the most of their luck and look like a pretty decent team. Wow, that hurt. A first round playoff exit still seems likely, however. I'm not crowning their asses yet.

Rams 36, Broncos 33 - Both losers - The Rams were 0-4 on the road going into one of the toughest places to play in the NFL. Of course they won. That, folks, is NFL Action 2010. Catch the Parity!

Chargers 36, Colts 14 - Both winners - As long as they playoffs aren't involved, the Bolts seem to own the Colts. Hey. that rhymed! Philip Rivers could have taken the day off, as Peyton Manning decided to gift wrap 14 points to the Chargers with a pair of pick-6's. Maybe Peyton is the Jackwagon this week? Nah, it's still Jake Delhomme.

49ers 27, Cardinals 6 - Jason winner, Dre loser - Was that Brian Westbrook I was watching? THE Brian Westbrook? I thought he was out of the league, or dead, or something. His career was left for dead after injuries and money ended his Philadelphia career, but just like our favorite cyborg crime fighter, Westbrook came back from the dead to punish creeps and save his teams playoff chances. That's right, Brian Westbrook wins the "Return of Robocop" award for the week.