Week 1 ATS Recap: Support Your Local Long Snapper

Ah, week one of the NFL. The guaranteed overreaction week. It's fun because it's so insane. The postgame storylines are full of snap predictions: who's the best team? who's the biggest flop? so-and-so is on pace for 30 touchdowns, the Jets are going to score SEVEN HUNDRED POINTS this season.

So I'm taking a deep breath, and trying not to overreact. We all know that Week 2 is our bugaboo because we think we know it all after Week 1.

• Cowboys (+4) 24, Giants 17 - Both winners - Since I went out on a limb and took Dallas to reach the Super Bowl and the Giants to miss the playoffs, I guess it's hard to make baseless assumptions off this game. Yay me!
• Bears (-10) 41, Colts 21 - Both winners - I predicted 3 picks for Andrew Luck, who came out and threw....three picks. The Colts are a long way off, but the Bears are primed to do some damage. This might be the most complete Bears offense I've ever seen.
• Vikings 26, Jaguars (+3½) 23 - Both winners - We both had the Jags to win, and neither one of us care two shits about these teams, so we'll take the cheap cover and move on.
• Jets (-2½) 48, Bills 28 - Dre winner, Jason loser - The Jets are going to score SEVEN HUNDRED POINTS this season. Actually, they are on pace for 768!! It's incredible. Too bad I still think the Jets are a steaming pile of manure. A win over the Bills will not convince me otherwise.
• Texans (-12½) 30, Dolphins 10 - Both winners - Well, my 30-0 prediction didn't come home for me, and Reggie Bush only accounted for 40% of Miami's offense, not the 80% I thought he would. What looked like a ho-hum game went nuts in the last 2 minutes of the first half, as Houston flexed their muscle on offense and defense to the tune of 21 points in 1:53. Hard to learn much from this game that we didn't already know: the Texans are really friggin' good.
• Patriots (-4½) 34, Titans 13 - Both winners - I'm still mystified how the Pats were 4½ favorites over the Jake Locker led ex-Oilers. This game SCREAMED "trap," but turned out to just be a gift. Was there really money being laid on Tennessee this last weekend? New England is still the class of the AFC East and should sleepwalk to the division title.
• Lions 27, Rams (+9) 23 - Dre winner, Jason loser - Dre killed me in the early games, taking his hatred of the Lions over his hatred of Sam Bradford. The Lions did what they did to start last season: give up a ton of points early and then claw their way back and steal a win. That might have worked last year, but the NFC is much more competetive this year, apparently.
• Redskins (+9) 40, Saints 32 - Both winners - I'm starting to suspect that I may have been wrong about the NFC South. I also was off thinking that RG3 and Washington would be roadkill this year. The Saint defense had no answer for Griffin and his complementary (at best) receiving corps. And just as a odd tidbit of info, the Skins got to 40 by scoring 10 in all four quarters. Can't say I've ever seen that before.
• Eagles 17, Browns (+9½) 16 - Both losers - There's a reason that "taking the Browns to the Super Bowl" is a euphemism for "taking a shit." Brandon Weeden is the latest shit-stain under center for the Poopies. Without his ineptitude and four picks, the Brownies would have easily taken a win away from the Eagles. Instead, they Browned the bed and let and equally unimpressive, but escaping healthy, Mike Vick literally thieve a win at the very end. Pathetic.
• Falcons (-2½) 40, Chiefs 24 - Dre winner, Jason loser - Remember what I said about being wrong about the NFC South? Whoa boy was I wrong about my Atlanta Falcons. I'd lumped Matty Ice in a category with Mark Sanchez, and what do they both do? They shut me up (for one week anyways). Unlike in NY, the Falcons offense looks scary good, with real weapons everywhere. Julio Jones might be regarded as Calvin Johnson good by the end of this season. In our season preview, I touched on how good I thought Jones would be this year, but hot damn he's a monster. Reason for worry: Brent Grimes out for the year. That hurts. Oh yeah, Kansas City, they hung tough in the first half and outgained the Falcons overall, but stats can lie. The eyes told a different story. The arrow is still pointing up for the Chefs, though.
• Niners (+5) 30, Packers 22 - Jason winner, Dre loser - I FINALLY took one from Dre when San Fran went into Lambeau and demolished the Pack. The score was closer than the game, as the Packers benefitted from a cheap punt return with 2 blocks in the back not called, and some late game "heroics" from Aaron Rodgers. The Niners are who I thought they were: stellar defense and just enough offense. My gut told me to take them in the West, and I didn't see any reason to change that. Watch out Packers: the Bears are rolling in Thursday night. The Pack could be looking at 0-2.
• Cardinals (-1) 20, Seahawks 16 - Both losers - So much for the Russell Wilson love fest. That came crashing down quick. The Cards got a go ahead TD pass from Kevin Kolb and Wilson couldn't deliver on a 4th and goal as time ran out.
• Bucs (-1) 16, Panthers 10 - Both losers - The great Cam Newton led the Panthers to exactly TEN points?!? Thanks for nothing Cam (I drafted him in fantasy)! Still I can be proud, as President and Original Member of the Josh Freeman Fan Club. Way to go kiddo!
• Broncos (-1) 31, Steelers 19 - Jason winner, Dre loser - The only thing that would have made that win over the Steelers better for Peyton Manning is some tapenade.
• Ravens (-7) 44, Bengals 13 - Both winners - Oh man, Baltimore is scary good. This is a team that is going to get Terrell Suggs back in time for the playoffs too. Super Bowl or bust for the Ravens. Same ol', same ol' for the Bengals, play a good team and lose. Rinse and repeat. I'll give them this: they're predictable. That's GOLD when picking games.
• Chargers (+1) 22, Raiders 14 - Dre winner, Jason loser - My suspicion is that all 32 teams, this week, are reviewing their backup long-snapper situation. After the horror show put on by we-shouldn't-know-who-he-is Travis Goethel, the plight of the under appreciated long snappers has finally come to light. Looks like Greg Williams was putting the bounties on the wrong guys! He should have been going after the long snappers all along. Everyone has a backup QB, or six wide recievers, but if a team only has one long snapper, and he gets hurt, they're fucked!

Dre 11-5 (.688)
Jason 9-7 (.562)

Two games back, but so what. We'll take this every week.