| Fav | Spread | Dog | Final | Dre | Jay | |
| Thu. Nite | ||||||
| Cin (7-6) | 5½ | PHI (4-9) | Cin 34-13 | |||
| Sunday | ||||||
| GB (9-4) | 1 | CHI (8-5) | GB | Chi | ||
| ATL (11-2) | 1 | NYG (8-5) | NY | NY | ||
| NO (5-8) | 4 | TB (6-7) | TB | NO | ||
| STL (6-6-1) | 1 | Min (7-6) | StL | Min | ||
| Wash (7-6) | 1 | CLE (5-8) | Cle | Cle | ||
| MIA (5-8) | 8 | Jack (2-11) | Jack | Mia | ||
| Den (10-3) | 3 | BAL (9-4) | Den | Bal | ||
| HOU (11-2) | 10 | Ind (9-4) | Ind | Hou | ||
| Det (4-9) | 6 | ARIZ (4-9) | Det | Det | ||
| SD (5-8) | 3 | Car (4-9) | SD | Car | ||
| Sea (8-5) | 4½ | BUF (5-8) | Toronto, ONT | Sea | Buf | |
| Pit (7-6) | 1 | DAL (7-6) | Pit | Dal | ||
| OAK (3-10) | 3 | KC (2-11) | Oak | Oak | ||
| Sun. Nite | ||||||
| NE (10-3) | 4½ | SF (9-3-1) | NE | NE | ||
| Mon. Nite | ||||||
| TENN (4-9) | 1 | NYJ (6-7) | Tenn | Tenn | ||
Some of our thoughts and observations included:
- Right off the bat, I got a bad feeling. Jason knows just as I do that Chicago doesn't seem to know how to beat Green Bay under the best circumstances, so why does he have the Bears beating the Packers with all of their injuries and after they dropped a turd in Minnesota? Another one of his hunches. He may be right when he says that Green Bay's running for the whole game won't equal Adrian Peterson's 50-yard opening rush last week. But that's never stopped the Pack from whupping the Bears before. I don't know how Chicago will stop their slide and make the playoffs, but I have to pick them to keep sliding against the Packers, who will get their only pass rusher, Roided-Up Troglodyte (my official name for Clay Matthews), back for this one.
- We're on the same page going against those overrated Falcons. They're hosting the champs, who put up a 52 last week and look to be ready to get hot. Looking at Atlanta's home record this season, it's 6-0 SU but 3-3 ATS. A weird quirk I noticed looking back at their schedule is, they yo-yo'd from home to road for some reason. All year, Atlanta's been alternating home and road games, and I gotta think that takes a toll over time. So if the Dirty Birds go on a slide to end the season, don't be the least bit surprised. As for this one, who thinks the Falcons are going to stiffen up and contain RB David Wilson and QB Eli Manning? Me neither. And Roddy White's hurting, which is really bad timing for Hotlanta.
- Time for me to break out a hunch: New Orleans fought so hard all season to get back from the crappy start they had, they battled, they scratched...and now they've dropped three straight. Tampa's pass defense is the drizzling shits, but I'll pick the Bucs because I have a hunch that the Saints don't care anymore. They got the Bountygate conviction overturned on appeal (even though Paul Tagliabue agreed with Roger Goodell that the bounties happened), they're out of playoff contention, and I just think they're going to mail it in the rest of the way. Who could blame them for taking a nap now? It's been a long, tiring year in the Big Easy. Jay's backing them one more time, even against his guy Josh Freeman.
- Two perfectly mediocre teams in the Vikings and Rams, and we're split on this one, too. Jay's going with the Vikings because of one guy, a guy whose talents have amazed the entire football world, a guy whose value to the team is immeasurable, and that guy, of course, is Christian Ponder. Wait, my notes may be a little off...actually, the guy is Adrian Peterson, and he's kinda good. I'm going with the Rams because of a bunch of guys trying to stop the one guy. I think St. Louis can contain Peterson. That leaves a Ponder vs. Bradford QB battle, and as much as I don't like Sam Bradford, it's him over Ponder a million times in a row.
- Brown Fever is sweeping the country! Everyone's catching on to the great ball of fire that is the Cleveland Browns. We're happy you all decided to join us. We'll stay with the Brownies this week as they host that rookie sensation for the Washington Redskins, the man everyone's talking about...yep, QB Kirk Cousins. Look, the Shanahan Boyz could play games all week, but I actually saw the hit that Robert Griffin III took, and your fucking knee isn't made to bend that way. I knew all week that Bobby Three-Sticks (shout out to Courtney Cummz for the awesome nickname) wasn't going to go despite reports that he was practicing. Not to stereotype, but I'm guessing that athletic game-breaking threat that Griffin brought to every game will be missing with Cousins in the lineup. Therefore, we'll take the hot Cleveland Browns to blow up the Redskins D like explosive diarrhea. How's that for a visual!
- Is the bloom totally off the rose for Chad Henne and the Jacksonville Jaguars? Jason says yes. Miami, the Jags' opponent, just came off a three-game stretch against Seattle, New England, and San Francisco, and they were a Colin Kaepernick scramble away from going 3-0 ATS. He likes the drop in competition here. Not me. I like Jacksonville to win because Miami's offense has been less than spectacular in that stretch, and if the Jags strike early--not far-fetched with their high-flying WR Cecil Shorts back from injury--the Fins may not catch up. Miami doesn't throw well with their most consistent receiver, Davone Bess. He won't be there. How are they gonna throw without him?
- I'm still befuddled at Baltimore shitcanning the offensive coordinator the day after the defense blew a big game against Washington. I'm rather positive that no team has won the Super Bowl after firing the OC three weeks before the playoffs, so I officially renounce my pick of the Ravens as my Super Bowl champ. I have no idea who I'm picking now. As for this contest, I have no intention of picking Jim Caldwell to come up with the magic play calls for Joe Flacco, Ray Rice and the Ravens to knock off Peyton Manning and the Broncos. In fact, I would predict a game plan heavy on Rice running the rock, which plays into Denver's hands because they're only giving up 3.6 yards per carry this year. Good luck, Mr. Caldwell. Jason will beg and plead with the Ravens to show a little pride and come up with a big win. If they do, I will be very impressed.
- This Indy-Houston spread is fucking hilarious. Chuckstrong has inspired so many people, Andrew Luck has made such an impact with his MVP-caliber play that...the 9-4 Colts are the biggest underdog of the week to a team that just got ripped apart this past Monday. I won't lie, I think the Texans will rebound from the Patriots beatdown and show the Colts who the new class of the AFC South is, but I'm not about to pick them to win by double digits, not when their offense has seemingly been unimaginative lately and not when they're playing a guy in Luck who's already engineered six comeback wins in his rookie year. Jay thinks Indy's gonna get beat really bad. It wouldn't be the biggest shock if it happened, but I'm a doubter in all Texans big point spreads right about now.
- On to the afternoon slate, and...shit, we can't even front. As dumb as the Lions are (that Packers loss was their 3rd straight in a game where they led by double digits), they're not the Cardinals. Arizona has to be the worst team in football, don't they? Forget 4-0, that's 9 losses in a row, the last by a mind-blowing 58. Detroit squoosh.
- Jason likes the Panthers to go to San Diego and put another nail in the Norv Turner coffin. As a Bears fan, that would make me happy because Chicago could really use an offensive guru to get Jay Cutler and the receivers in the same book, much less on the same page. But I'm a Bears fan, and I can't be happy, so I'll take the Chargers to cover. Actually, I said last week that SD may run the table now that QB Philip Rivers has found a consistent WR in Danario Alexander, and the Panthers don't provide a defense that would make me back off that observation.
- Why the hell are they playing these Bills games in Toronto? I'm going to ask that question every time these Canada games come up on the schedule. You wanna send some games to Canada? Send those Jags games to Canada. No one's watching them anywhere on the globe. Anyway, I'll happily take Skittles to run all over his former team, the Bills, as the Seahawks continue their improbable march towards that division title I predicted for them in the preseason. Jason really doesn't like Seattle on the road. He just picked Ryan Fitzpatrick to beat them. I mean, he really doesn't like Seattle on the road.
- Pittsburgh-Dallas was my toughest pick of the week. Both teams have beasts who are playing injured, and I had to decide which I was going to back, Ben Roethlisberger or Dez Bryant. I'm taking the Steelers because I think Roethlisberger is going to ball out after his embarrassing return last week in a home loss to San Diego. Big Ben hooked up twice late with Mike Wallace, and I think he'll keep that deep ball going against the Cowboys. I'm very afraid of Bryant playing through his finger injury and continuing his stellar play, but I'm also very afraid of him losing his concentration due to the injury and not being effective, and Dallas is screwed without Bryant at his best. Jas feels that he has to take his Super Bowl pick in Dallas. He knows that their playoff hopes are basically squashed if they can't get this win.
- In the worst game of the day, we'll take the Raiders to whip the Chiefs. Two rotting corpses, but Oakland is rested after losing on Thursday last week, and Kansas City is without their only decent WR, Dwayne Bowe.
- In the best game of the day, the awesome athletes on the San Francisco defense will try to contain Tom Brady and the maulers of New England. Why do we have the Pats on top? Jason says the Patriots may throw every down and not even bother with the run, and while that's hyperbolic, the point is taken. When Brady is on fire like this, why bother establishing anything else? Keep throwing until someone stops you. I actually think San Francisco's D will slow Brady a bit, but I believe that the overlooked awesome athletes on New England's defense will restrict Frank Gore and Colin Kaepernick just enough to give the Pats another big prime-time victory. Whatever the outcome, this is the game to watch in this week of great games.
- The Monday game is not. We'll both take Tennessee to take out New York and the Sanchize, who, last time he was seen in a night game, Jason observed, was running up his lineman's ass and fumbling the ball for a TD. I talked about the Titans last week in my What I Learned column and how they've made improvements over the course of the year, and hopefully they will put it together and get the win and murder the playoff hopes of the Jets once and for all. That's your two reasons to possibly watch this sad game--you may see the Jets get buried, and you may see another Mark Sanchez buttfumble. What more could you ask for?
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