- I learned not to get too excited about a lucky week, because you always come back to Earth the following week. Fuck.
- Games in no detail: Buccaneers-Jaguars (TB breaks out 14-0, then their defense steps up, er, down), Raiders-Packers (wow, I've never been more wrong in my life), Bills-Chargers (Buffalo sinking, San Diego swimming), Giants-Cowboys (2 average defenses vs. 2 above-average offenses, and the smarter QB and coach win), Rams-Seahawks (Skittles for everybody except Rams coach Steve Spagnuolo, who should be fired for letting QB Sam Bradford try to play in that condition).
- The key nugget to take from the Thursday night Steelers win over the Browns is to remember just how Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlisberger injured himself. He actually rolled to his right on a pass play in order to avoid the pass rush, and then held on to the fucking ball so long that the rush came and sacked him anyway and rolled up on his ankle. I'm confident that the Steelers would have found another TD and covered had Big Ben been fully healthy, because they were moving the ball better and better as the game went on and because Cleveland is pathetic. But we all just saw why Pittsburgh won't be winning the title again--because Big Ben has completely given up on trying to find checkdown receivers and is married to the idea of hitting the home run every time, and that will cost his team dearly once again in the playoffs, just as it did in the Super Bowl last year.
- Speaking of hitting the home run, a weird thing happened to New England on their way to scoring another TD and covering the number over Washington--Tom Brady decided to get a kid WR involved instead of throwing the rock to the open man, Wes Welker, and in doing so, he underthrew Tiquan Underwood and got intercepted. Then Brady got a new asshole ripped by Pats o-coordinator Bill O'Brien, who must have had big cash on the spread the way he reacted. It was funny watching New England and Washington go up and down the field on each other. It dawned on me that as much as I talk about the Redskins not being able to cover or tackle, neither can the fucking Patriots! Their defense stinks, like, really bad. And yet NE covers, as I predicted, if Brady doesn't decide to get magnanimous and involve other receivers in the scoring. Just throw the ball to the open man, Goddammit.
- And here's another game where I came within a hair of winning, Houston and Cincinnati. I said that as much as the Texans impressed me with their resiliency, I would back off on them this week and make 3rd-string rookie QB T.J. Yates prove that he can get it done on the road with no Andre Johnson to throw to. And the motherfucker did exactly that, winning the game in the final seconds on a slant pass to Kevin Walter after leading a long drive against a tough Bengals defense that focused on shutting down the run game all day and stifled Arian Foster (though Ben Tate had a nice run). It was actually a great Cincy defensive effort, ruined by that final drive. I respect Bengals QB Andy Dalton going deep every time to A.J. Green because he knows Green is a freak and can make crazy catches, but that seemed to devolve into desperation heaves after a while, and Cincy still had the lead. Dalton won't develop into a complete QB until he learns to find other guys to make plays in clutch moments. As for Yates, the sample size is two games, which is nothing, but fuck, does he look impressive.
- I just wanted to shine a light on the Jets beating the shit out of the Chiefs to point out two things--1, na na, hey hey, goodbye to one of the more unintelligent NFL coaches, KC's Todd Haley, and 2, look at how the Jets have to run their offense to beat inferior teams, with 42 runs vs. 21 passes. They even had Mark Sanchez call his own number to run in two TDs close to the goal line because they didn't want to risk his dumb ass throwing the ball to the other team. They do not trust their QB at all. I actually hope they make the playoffs again so I can laugh at them as they try to make it to the AFC title game for a 3rd time. That defense ain't nearly as good as it has been, so it's not happening.
- Speaking of dumb, how did the Lions build a huge lead on a Vikings team that had to bench their QB for ineffectiveness (he was supposedly hurt, but really, they sat him because he was bad) and was missing their All-Pro RB? Because Detroit is dumb and undisciplined, and that's why we picked Minnesota to cover. And I picked the Vikings to win, and damn if they didn't almost come all the way back behind Joe Webb and do it, too. They got down to the 1-yard line with time expiring, then the Lions grabbed Webb's facemask as they stripped the ball, but the refs were so tired from throwing flags at Detroit all day that they didn't have the energy to throw another one, and that was the game. Amazing that Detroit almost coughed up an easy win like that. I hope they also make the playoffs so I can laugh as they commit 50 penalties and start several brawls on their way to elimination. Oh, forgot to credit Jason for a line during our chat about this game when we made our picks: "Suh's acting crazy, crashing cars and being reckless? Man, the Lions really are representing Detroit!"
- And speaking of losing on the last play when you refuse to throw the ball into the end zone, at least Webb had an excuse. Jake Locker did the same for Tennessee as he tried to lead a heroic comeback against the Saints, but he has no excuses, he just panicked. Titans QB Matt Hasselbeck is so old that he strained a calf muscle running three steps after a batted ball, so Locker had to play all of the 2nd half save for one play. They had a shot to win because New Orleans is definitely off-key on grass as opposed to their home turf, and they had trouble getting untracked in Nashville. But Drew Brees and Marques Colston made plays when it counted, and the Saints took the lead in the 4th quarter. Tennessee marched down the field and had a shot with no time on the clock at New Orleans' 6-yard line, but Locker's scramble to find an open man ended with him getting sacked and letting the game end without even a desperation heave into the end zone. There's nothing more pathetic than having the game in your hands and choking so bad that you swallow the football without even trying to throw it up. I still think the Titans should just go with Locker the rest of the way to get him the experience that it will take for him not to gag it up next time he has the game in his hands. And speaking of gagging, the Titans coaching staff rushed Chris Johnson 11 times against a crappy Saints run D? What?!?
- Miami came out and scored the 1st TD vs. Philadelphia, and everyone thought the rout was on considering how bad the Eagles have been and how good the Dolphins have been. Michael Vick didn't get the memo, and neither did the Eagles D, which caused two fumbles and a pick in the 2nd quarter to swing all the momentum towards Philly. They sacked Matt Moore so much that they knocked him out of the game. Where has this been all year? And Vick did what he does in his return, which is find DeSean Jackson deep for a TD. If they could have done that all year, the Eagles would be in much better shape. I don't even want to see this scenario, but I wonder if there's a way that Philly can win a tiebreaker if they finish 8-8 along with the Giants and Cowboys and pull off a miracle and win the NFC East?? Oh, and Miami was just waiting for a bad loss so they could shitcan their coach. This nice stretch they were on was probably torture for their front office. But one bad beating, and it's vaya con dios, Tony Sparano.
- Baltimore smothers Indianapolis with its defense, Ray Rice runs the rock really well, easy victory for the Ravens...except I somehow won the pick. On a TD pass in garbage time on the last play of the game. Oh Jason, did you not have Indy picked and changed your mind?? You can lord having the better record and better season over me all day, but I have to bust your balls for this one. You know it never works when either of us changes a pick! I'm gonna get Cris Carter and drunk Mike Ditka and Boomer Berman to all go up where you live and stand on your lawn, and they're all gonna scream at you, C'MON MAN!!!
- Holy shit, did Atlanta try to let Carolina walk all over them in Charlotte, and the Panthers defense once again completely disintegrated. Carolina jumped out to a 23-7 lead before letting the Falcons go for 24 unanswered. It's not surprising considering the Panthers D all year, but I did want to acknowledge QB Cam Newton's facial and body expressions. Usually, I hate the pundits who evaluate a player's body language, but I'm not going to try to pretend that I definitely know what's going on with Cam. I just want to say, he sure looked like he was incredibly disheartened and tired and beaten down by how much he keeps losing despite being mostly fantastic. It make me wonder if Carolina is a safe play at all these last three contests, because Cam looks about ready to throw in the towel.
- Ho hum, another 4th-quarter comeback by Tim Tebow and the Broncos, except this time, they couldn't cover the spread because they've become betting favorites as this crazy season has advanced. A little advice to other teams when playing Denver--you may want to stop leaving WRs open in the 4th quarter, because regardless of how bad Tebow's been in that game up to that point, he's going to need to find the WRs in order to lead a comeback. Minnesota left guys wide open last week, and Chicago did it this week. I'm mentally tired just watching Denver games, and I'm about done trying to evaluate them. Tebow is Jesus, and that's the explanation, I guess. Maybe this opinion by Dan Bernstein, a Chicago sports talk show host, explains everything.
- Is San Francisco going to be able to go very far in the playoffs running such an unimaginative offense? They couldn't get past the milquetoast Arizona Cardinals, failing to close with a 19-7 lead and the backup QB in the game for the Cards. But John Skelton rescued the Redbirds once again, flinging 3 TDs and 282 yards and making up for a crap game in San Fran several weeks ago. Really, Skelton doesn't appear to have much QB skill, but he knows how to throw it deep to his wideouts, especially Larry Fitzgerald. It was clear that Coach Insane was going to take it easy on star RB Frank Gore now that the division was clinched, and Gore only carried ten times. But that left the offense in QB Alex Smith's hands for 37 pass attempts while protecting a lead, and the result was, no TDs, only 18 completions, and 175 yards. Blech. If that's what happens when Gore is taken out of the game plan, then the Niners are destined to be drummed right out of the playoffs in their 1st game if the opposing run D is any good at all.
Week 14 Records--Dre 7-9, .438; Jay 10-6, .625
YTD Records--Dre 94-107-7, .468; Jay 104-97-7, .517
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