- It's getting down to that murky time of the season where some teams are crumbling, some are just getting it together, and some are quitting. And it's up to us, your friendly prognosticators, to figure out which is which. Our ten combined wins this week says, it's going to be a bitch trying to sort it all out.
- Games in no detail: Jaguars-Falcons (yeah, we were LOUD WRONG on that one), Cowboys-Buccaneers (okay team whoops terrible team, nothing to see here), Dolphins-Bills (wait, Buffalo let Reggie Bush rush for 200 yards on them?!?), Titans-Colts (easy for Indy to drop back into Tampa-2 when Hasselbeck proves he's ineffective, and I repeat, Tennessee should go to the bullpen and start Locker at QB), Saints-Vikings (great turf team whoops terrible anywhere team, nothing to see here), Browns-Cardinals (Seneca ran Cleveland offense better than Colt, but o-line breakdown loses the game), Ravens-Chargers (SD when Philip Rivers is making his throws cannot be stopped).
- A couple of small notes from the Bengals-Rams game. A big F-U to Kellen Clemens, who played a good game at QB for St. Louis, including the last drive to get the TD that blew the cover for Jason and me. And a big uh-oh to Cincinnati, who may fail to make the playoffs if they can't stop their stud WR from getting banged up at this late stage of the season. Rookie WR A.J. Green made his usual array of circus catches, but he was getting up slower and slower as the game wore on and holding different aching body parts. If he's less than 100% for these last two games, the Bengals can forget the postseason.
- Speaking of uh-oh, cue up Danyelle Sargent: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!! Pt. 1--Redskins 23, Giants 10. Wha?? Actually, this is somewhat easy to explain. Tom Coughlin and Eli Manning don't handle prosperity well. They have their backs against the wall going into Dallas last week, they come out on top. They get a breather this week playing an awful Washington team at home, and they shit the bed. I'm not even going back into the archives to see how the Giants have earned their rep as chokers when they're favored. Just this season, they're 1-4-1 ATS as home favorites. Unacceptable and unbelievable, and I did get fooled again, so I'm disqualified from using the CSI sound drop. I have no reasoning behind it, some guys just can't handle being the top dog. And just for extra emphasis, let me state it clearly: Holy fuck, did Eli Manning suck dick in this game. His throws were so off that I think some of them landed in the Hudson.
- Chicago played well for about a quarter and a half, gaining a 14-7 lead despite losing WR Johnny Knox to a horrific vertebrae injury. Then the turnovers started coming fast and furious, Seattle built a lead, and the more the Bears pressed and tried to mount a comeback, the more QB Caleb Hanie had to drop back for passes, and the more disaster struck. That guy doesn't need to be playing QB in the NFL. He may be a great Arena League player, or Canadian League, but he's as much of an NFL quarterback as Tim Tebow. That offensive line doesn't help, either. And I have to give props once again to Tarvaris Jackson, who is doing a very good job managing games for the Seahawks, that is, not fucking up and throwing games to the other team like Hanie. And Skittles sales must be sky high all around the Pacific Northwest.
- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!! Pt. 2--Chiefs 19, Packers 14. Wha?? Did Green Bay miss Greg Jennings that much? Or did having a real QB and coach make that big a diff for Kansas City? Either way, the perfect season dream is over, and the Pack find themselves trying to stay in rhythm and motivated for the last two games. No one cares what this means for KC, so congrats to Kyle Orton and Romeo Crennel, and now, get the fuck off the stage. The real question is, did the Packers get exposed and do teams have a way to beat them in Wisconsin in January? I'm still picking them to win it all because the Saints have to play up in Green Bay, and everyone else from the AFC is fatally flawed, even more than the Pack.
- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!! Pt. 3--Panthers 28, Texans 13. Wha?? Just when we are ready to put our faith in T.J. Yates and back the Texans for a long playoff run, they get their doors blown off by a Carolina squad that hasn't held a lead almost all damn year. We learned that Yates can't lead comebacks every week without his best player, Andre Johnson. We learned that Houston can be in trouble if they don't establish that strong running game immediately (Arian Foster ran fine, but he got fumbleitis). And we learned that Carolina can make adjustments and put in good game plans. They moved the ball so well against a fierce Texans pass rush because Cam Newton really got the ball out fast every throw. And with the big lead, Newton didn't have to keep throwing all game and risk the interceptions, and the Panthers were able to use their formidable rush game. The blueprint is there to beat Houston--quick throws, put their backs to the wall, and create turnovers.
- Detroit does it again! For the 4th time this year, they came back and won a game in which they trailed by 13 or more points. That's a league record. What can you say? Stafford-to-Johnson can be a legendary combo if they keep this up. What a great feeling it must be for Matthew Stafford to know that anytime he needs to complete a big pass, he can hit his WR Megatron and move the chains, or score the game-winning TD in this case. I guess I should just thank the heavens that Detroit was favored by one and not Oakland, or else this would have been yet another comeback win for Jason. Instead, it was a comeback push. Still sucks, though. I still don't believe in the Lions, BTW.
- WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!! Pt. 4--Eagles 45, Jets 19. Wha?? Are the Eagles really back from the dead like a zombie? Well, as long as Michael Vick is in at QB and not Vince Young, I guess Philadelphia is capable of anything. But off to a 28-0 lead? Yes, I think the Jets are overrated, but that even surprised me. You wouldn't want to be Santonio Holmes on this day--a couple of fumbles and a ridiculous TD celebration considering the Jets were still down 16 at that point. Really? But the story was how great Vick looked without a Jets pass rush hurrying him. His throws were on time and accurate, and his scrambles were deadly because they weren't panicked and he didn't have to do it every snap. The Jets continue their subpar road play, but this was a new low, even for them. It will be like a porn convention Saturday at Giants Stadium, because the two New York teams will compete to see who can choke the hardest.
- Okay, who still thinks the Patriots are on the road to the Super Bowl? If you do, I urge you to watch the 1st quarter of the Pats-Broncos game. They gave up over 200 yards of offense in one quarter to Tim Tebow and the rest of that crappy Denver offense. Over 200 yards in one fucking quarter! The TV crew pointed out that Denver for some reason has gotten murdered in the 2nd quarter this season, coming in at a -87, and sure enough, when the smoke cleared at halftime of this contest, the Pats had outscored the Broncos by 20. The score went from a 16-7 Denver lead to a 27-16 NE advantage, and despite his heroics all year, making Tebow play catch-up didn't work out because the Patriots came after him with a ferocious pass rush. I may like New England's chances a little more if Mark Anderson can play DE like that every game, but we know the former Bear can't, and that's why he's a former Bear. And if they can force turnovers like that all the time, they wouldn't be such a putrid defense. But they can't. Meanwhile, how will Tebow and the Broncos recover? Well, they have to go to Buffalo, another bad D, but if NE could step up and have a big game, maybe the Bills can too.
- I won't even put this under What The Fuck Was That because the Steelers had no chance in San Francisco, and unfortunately for Jason and me, that became apparent as soon as the game began. I assumed that with a week of rest, Pittsburgh QB Ben Roethlisberger would look a little better on his sprained ankle than he did. He looked awful. His throws were off target, his mobility was nonexistent, and he was the picture of ineffectiveness. His lights were out before he got off the plane, so San Fran's stadium losing power was apropos. Hell, Charlie Batch may have done better after all. I still don't think much of San Francisco's offensive game plan, a bunch of dink-and-doink passes to barely move the chains and keep the clock running. But when your defense is playing a crippled QB, I guess you don't have to do much when you have the ball except don't turn it over. Pittsburgh should be scared shitless because if this injury to Big Ben lingers, they will be reduced to a low-scoring defensive unit that can't keep up with a high-flying offense, and that only gets you so far in the playoffs.
Week 15 Records--Dre 6-8-2, .429; Jay 4-10-2, .286
YTD Records--Dre 100-115-9, .465; Jay 108-107-9, .502
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