Week 15 ATS Recap: The Race to the Bottom

Picking all the games can certainly lead to some humbling experiences. It's so easy to think that we have this all figured out after almost 4 full months of games, and then a week like this last one comes along to show us just how little we truly know. The late season push to be the chic pick of the next season has begun, and we might have to rename the award now that the Houston Texans have finally stepped up to claim a division crown. This is gonna be a tough week to dissect game-by-game considering all the losers on the board, but hopefully some things can be learned from the failures.

• Falcons (-13½) 41, Jaguars 14 (Thursday) - Both losers - Who was that that said they weren't taking any more road teams on Thursday nights? Oh, it was me, and I fell in love with the points and ignored a Falcon team that has put together a fairly solid regular season after a rocky 3-3 start.
• Cowboys (-7) 31, Buccaneers 15 (Saturday) - Both winners - The Cowboys may be dumb, but the Bucs are done.
• Bengals 20, Rams 13 - PUSH - Gotta love the Garbage Time Push. After stocking up on pushyness the first few weeks of the year, we managed to avoid the gamblers nightmare lately. This week gave us two. One, I was thrilled with. This one, however, I was not.
• Dolphins (+1) 30, Bills 23 - Both winners - So back in my Week 11 recap, I said that I would not be surprised if the Bills got overtaken in the division by Miami. Well, by virtue of this result, they are tied at 5-9 with two to play. Count that as one trend I saw. With all the ones I've missed, ya gotta savor the victories.
• Redskins (+6½) 23, Giants 10 - Jason winner, Dre loser - This looked like a field goal decision to me, one of those typical ugly, sloppy, close NFC East matchups. Other than the score, they totally lived up to the ugly and the sloppy. Does anyone want to win the NFC East?
• Colts (+7) 27, Titans 13 - Dre winner, Jason loser - Let's see: I was on the Colts to win one early, and Dre's been on them more of late. One of us was bound to be right eventually. The Colts brass came out and said that the Colts may need to win one game to save Jim Caldwell's job. Wow, way to set that bar high, guys! Maybe Rich Kotite would like another crack at this NFL coaching thing, since all it takes is ONE FUCKING WIN to save your job.
• Seahawks (+3½) 38, Bears 14 - Both winners - This was the easiest pick of the week. I may have dubbed Carson Palmer as "Interception Santa" this last week, but at least Palmer has had a modicum of NFL success. Caleb Hanie had his third three-pick game in all of four starts, and has now lost his job to one of the McCowns. Which one, no one cares. Funny to believe that Bear fans were clamoring for Hanie at one point. Incredible.
• Chiefs (+13½) 19, Packers 14 - Both losers - It's really hard to go undefeated. There's a reason it hasn't happened in almost 40 years. Every team gets up to knock off the undefeated team, and when that team happens to also be the Super Bowl Champs? Too much for the Packers to overcome, especially with shoddy defense and drop-happy receivers in a hostile environment to begin with. Living in Wisconsin, I have to say nothing has been pissing me off more than the Packer "fans" all writing this team off now that they've lost a game and been "exposed." Your team is 13-1. Shut the fuck up!
• Panthers (+6) 28, Texans 13 - Both losers - When you're down to your third string QB, best not to be turing the ball over three times. Houston handed out two picks and lost a fumble while Carolina played a clean game and hung on late for the win. What looked like it was going to be another second half collapse for the Panthers never materialized, and it was nice to see Cam Newton escape with a win. As Dre pointed out, the kid looked mentally beat down from all the losing, despite his great rookie season.
• Saints (-9) 42, Vikings 20 - Dre winner, Jason loser - Drew Brees is a monster.
• Lions 28, Raiders 27 - PUSH - Speaking of beasts, Calvin Johnson (the Cowboys third best receiver) single handedly saved my fantasy playoff matchup with 214 yards receiving and 2 touchdowns, the last of which beat the Raiders in the last minute and saved me from ANOTHER loss on the week against Dre. Interception Santa also must have had the Lions on his naughty list, because he managed not to throw one to the boys in blue all game. Of course, the Raiders still lost.
• Cardinals 20, Browns (+6½) 17 - OT - Both losers - We're always mystifed how Cleveland scores points at all. This week, they went to perennial backup Seneca Wallace for a spark, and got enough out of him to cover the number.
• Eagles (-3) 45, Jets 19 - Both losers - FUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKK you Jets! I needed you guys to end the Eagles B.S. now, because can I really expect the stupidest team in the league to do it this week? The Eages need a LOT of help to win the NFC East at 8-8, but I do have to say that nobody will want to play them in the first round if they do it.
• Patriots (-9) 41, Broncos 23 - Both losers - The Broncos came out with a nice gameplan against the Pats. It was up tempo and featured a run-it-down-your-fucking-throat style of play the NFL hasn't seen this year (Oakland came close when McFadden was healthy). But then the Broncos got a bad case of the Fumbleitis, and you can't do that against Tom Brady and that New England offense.
• Chargers (+1½) 34, Ravens 14 - Dre winner, Jason loser - Baltimore was in the game, down only 10 at halftime, but then took their first three drives of the second half and went pick-pick-punt, while the Chargers scored 14 more points in that same period. Ballgame.
• Niners (-3) 20, Steelers 3 - Both losers - OK, Big Ben had ZERO business being out on the field for this game. Yes, the Steelers had a chance to capitalize on the Ravens loss Sunday night, but when your franchise QB has only one move, and that one move is evading the pass rush, and he's IMMOBILE.....you know what's going to happen. Roethlisberger turned into a statue in the pocket on his bum ankle, and the San Fran D teed him up to the tune of three sacks, a ton of pressures, and three picks. The Steelers get a couple creampuffs to finish out the season, and had better start to think about resting Big Ben.